I tried ridiculous internet tips for liquid eyeliner and now look at my face

Ransack that cutlery drawer with your eyes taped shut

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Liquid eyeliner is a vital weapon in the makeup bag arsenal. But a well-executed flick comes at a cost. It requires the focus and skill of a Shaolin monk to apply a flawless cat eye and a moment of self-doubt and a faltering hand can ruin the entire artistic process.

The daily struggle

Beauty bloggers have endorsed bizarre ‘hacks’ which apparently simplify putting on makeup. They’ve expertly applied foundation with lightbulbs, eggs and even an iPhone. But as a normal gal with average-to-poor makeup tekkers, can these methods help time-strapped individuals like me?

I gave some weird eyeliner tips a whirl to see if I’ve been missing a trick in freestyling my flicks.


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A spoon

I don’t think this picture conveys the distress I was in

Method: According to a quick Google search, when using a spoon, apparently you’re supposed to use the handle as a ruler to draw the bottom of the flick and then the head of the spoon to shape the perfect curve on top. Apparently.

Evaluation: Fast-forward five minutes and I’ve got a spoon handle deep in my retina as I clumsily hash a wonky black worm across my temple. “Ha ha this is fine!” I reassure myself, but I’m so blinded by the flow of makeup and tears from my right eye that I could have been punched and no-one would have been any the wiser.


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“The Winehouse”

The top line of the flick, which entailed almost scooping out my eyeball with a metal spoon (a.k.a. the horror film Hostel), was pointless because I couldn’t see what I was doing and to be honest I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy.

Rating: 1/10. The worst. I now have flashbacks every time I eat cereal.


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A knife

Excuse me I am not a qualified surgeon

Method: Like the spoon, I used the knife as a fun and safe ruler for my makeup, except now my struggles were compounded by the fear that I might genuinely lose my eyesight and/or life.

With my mortality on the line, my already limited eyelining skills were shot to pieces. The best I could manage was a couple of shaky splatters of ink bleeding from my eye.

Utter misery

Evaluation: This is a bad way to apply eyeliner. Eye sockets are curved and rigid metal is not – it’s impossible to draw a straight line when there are huge gaps between knife and skin. Closing my eye to protect it from a self-inflicted stabbing made it impossible to see what I was doing, so any chance of a chic flick was a distant dream.

Most importantly, it is so stupid to involve a literal knife in makeup application. Only a maniac would dive into their cutlery drawer to do this before a 9am. SO. STUPID.

It’s so sad

Rating: 0/10. Not worth the peril.


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Tape

Do this on a daily basis? Really?

Method: This method is essentially a stencil, formed by slapping two bits of tape around the side of your head so a sliver of skin shows next to your eye.

Evaluation: As I plastered tape across my face, I thought “am I going to rip all my eyelashes out?” Fear was soon replaced by discomfort as I attempted to beautify myself with a jagged flap of sello burrowing into my eyeball. Not easy. Tape-on-face is not a vibe, especially when it results in an involuntary lazy eye.

I feel about as good as I look

Application-wise however, the tape wasn’t a total failure. I would have been more pleased with the result if I’d had the dexterity and patience to position it properly, but a regular person isn’t going to miss out on pres to spend hours meticulously sticking sellotape around their eyelashes.

Uneven AF

Rating: 5/10. Requires almost as much precision as doing eyeliner normally.


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Dental floss

Nervous

Method: The idea here is to colour the floss with eyeliner and then press it delicately onto the eyelid. Simple enough, it’s pretty much a potato print – or so I thought.

Evaluation: The first line was OK, despite being about 2 metres long. The second was problematic as it was hard to achieve the correct angle to form a point. Repeated attempts left me with creepy feathers jutting out of my eyes, which isn’t a campus lewk I want to rep.

Jagged lines do not beautiful eyeliner make

Rating: 4/10. Made me look like the Babadook.


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The tidy-up method

Lol just ruining my own life ha ha

Method: Here, you have to scribble eyeliner all over your eyelids and remove it so only a neat line remains. I enjoyed the colouring, although I looked like the Black Swan after a big night out – my makeup wipes had a big task on their hands.

Even a four-year-old could do this

Evaluation: I hate to say it because it’s a childish way of doing makeup, but this technique actually worked pretty well, largely because it gave me complete control over the size and shape of the flick. It was a bonus that I didn’t have to stick any eating utensils into my eye to do it.

Do I look like Brigitte Bardot yet?

Rating: 7/10. Great for when you’re a little worse for wear and those hands are a bit shaky.

Ain’t too shabby

There’s a reason these methods are fads. They’re not easier than the good old freehand and they’re definitely not realistic when rushing out the door, late for a seminar. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

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