The definitive guide to surviving being single on a very loved up campus
Don’t resort to being in a relationship
There’s no denying it, being single and surrounded by the creaky bed springs and PDAs that come with couples is a shit position to be in.
Cute and overly-happy, they make you feel sick and, as much as you hate to admit it, massively jealous.
Preparations need to be made to enjoy life as what may feel like the only singleton on campus. Turns out trying to neck someone in Fab can be quite the challenge.
Eat junk food galore
We’ve all seen the films where the single girls end up eating their weight in chocolate and junk food, yet miraculously manage to maintain their perfect size eight figure (sod’s law, eh?).
But those clichéd moments have become a reality for Singletons. Being a single girl, how better to embrace the single life than by eating a tub of ice cream – kudos if you succeed in eating the entire tub in one sitting.
Who needs a man when you can have two in your life: Ben and Jerry.
Have a girls’ or guy’s night out
A night out with your best mates are always the most entertaining. Who wants to tag along their significant other and be “that couple” who just stare lovingly into each other’s eyes all evening?
On a girls’ or guy’s night out there are no rules. When you’re single your nights out are care and guilt free. You can get with whoever you want and embarrass yourself as much as you want to without having to answer to anyone in the morning.
You won’t be able to remember anything you did that night – all you know is there’s a traffic cone in the corner, a shopping trolley outside and a dog on a skateboard in your house.
Or just have a night in
Get your mates round, turn on the Xbox, stick on a DVD, order in the food, turn off your phones and just enjoy your night in.
Get bonding, and remember what your mates were like before they got tied down. What’s more, you don’t have the night clubbing atmosphere with smoke, mirrors, ear-splitting music and alcohol to confuse you. You can just bitch about your taken mates in the safety of your own home.
Get a life
Get away from the toxic couples world and do something new.
Learn a new sport or skill, join one of those societies you always wanted to join but didn’t because your once-single friends didn’t want to do it.
Meet new people and laugh together about the sorry lives your attached friends live.
Date a celeb… in your head
Why not date the fittest person you can think of with no commitment necessary? Welcome to the world of pretend celeb dating.
Think of the fittest, most perfect celebrity possible, then print them out and stick them on a pillow, or get a cardboard cut out and have a date night with them.
Have a romantic dinner, watch a film or take them out for a drink at a bar. They don’t eat or drink and they don’t discuss their problems with you.
Even better, you can moan at them without them giving their useless opinion.
Fake celeb dating is a last resort for the most desperate of singletons, but what’s wrong with dating your celebrity in private?
Let’s face it, despite the agonising feeling of being a third, fifth or seventh wheel, the single life is great.
Don’t just survive it, love the single life.