We made the Greggs University League to tell you where you should really go to uni

Finally, a league table that Oxbridge won’t top

Choosing a university is a fraught time. Vague measures of desirability – Reputation, Teaching Quality, Employment Prospects – are banded around as though they actually mean something.

Frankly, we’re sick of the outrageous cheek of calling it the ‘Complete’ University Guide when it doesn’t include the single most important piece of information that students need when choosing where to study.

Which is: If every student in the city needed a Greggs at the same time, how many students would be in each branch of Greggs?

Introducing The Tab’s Greggs University League.

The rankings in full

To formulate the league table, we conducted pioneering research into Greggs-Student density. Finding that a university town with the least students per branch of Greggs is the best catered for, we determined that a low score in this single, definitive metric is better.

After decades spent being denigrated, ridiculed, and ignored in league tables, it would be all too easy to roll over. But not Bradford, who rise like a phoenix (or just a really hot steak bake) to take the very top shelf in the Greggs University League. Sporting a branch of Greggs for every 1,019.5 students, Bradford take the 2017 Pastry Crown.

In the Times Higher Education UK University Rankings 2017, Cambridge found themselves placing second only to Oxford. Our GSD rankings flip this conventional wisdom on its head. With 19,660 students per branch of Greggs, Cambridge sit second bottom, pipped by Canterbury’s 19,670.

Cardiff, Bristol, and London all squeeze in just below 2,000 students per Greggs branch, the strongest showing for any universities that could, if only tentatively, be called Southern.

Find out how your university scored below.

University town Greggs, mapped

This map gives a flavour of which university towns have the most Greggs. It’s useful not just for choosing the city you’re destined to study in, but in deciding which road, perhaps even which house, to live in.

So what does this all mean? The status quo on what makes somewhere worth studying has crumbled. University guides are scrambling around to arrange a reprint. A new wind of change has swept over the academic world, and Bradford is the new king.

Featured image: Tim Green via Flickr