Thank me later: Here are the best times to run for a little cinema pee during Wicked

Wicked is long. We cannot get around this. Despite the fact it is only act one of the show, act ones of musicals often run for longer than act two – and Wicked the movie has used material from the source book the musical is based on to flesh out the land, have more character development and bulk out the material so the musical can be done its dues. There are not that many moments worth missing in the Wicked movie – it truly is a blast. But it is a blast that runs at nearly three hours in length. And it is a blast that many of us will be watching whilst slurping a different realm of blast. A Tango Ice Blast. Or a big fuck off Coke that weighs more than you do. Wondering when to relieve yourself for a pee break during the Wicked movie, because your silly little bladder has the determination of a lazy lounging old dog? Read on, friend.

There aren’t many, so buckle up. Get ready to leg it, leak, leg it back and remain seated.

During Something Bad

Something Bad is Dr Dillamond’s “song” – and I say “song” with scorn because it’s famously the most apocalyptically annoying song in the stage show. The issue is here that although the song is shit, the plot points are important. Try and hold it if you can, but they cover the same gist of the animals being persecuted and suppressed in numerous other moments in the film so if you gulped that drink down in the trailer – just go for it.

Any time Boq has a scene

No one’s arsed about Boq. Not Glinda, not Elphaba, and certainly not me or you.

Most Read

From £60k to £1.5million: How much the I’m A Celeb 2024 campmates are being paid

Right, here’s how popstar priest Reverend Richard Coles made his secretly whopping fortune

Tulisa ‘raging’ about I’m A Celeb axe and has wiped all evidence of the show from her Insta

During I’m Not That Girl

I hate to say that nature might call during any Elphaba number, but if you need to miss an Elphy solo then the time is nigh. The least essential song in her bunch because she IS that girl, actually. We all know it! Fiyero knows it! Pack it in. Still a decent song but, you know how no one mourns the wicked? No one mourns running off for a little wee wee during I’m Not That Girl.

During A Sentimental Man

The ONLY man in Wicked I would like to hear sing is Fiyero Tigelaar. This song is an utter waste of time and we already get the idea of the nefarious Wizard’s motives way before we need to hear him croak out sentimentalities. Probably the best time to go in the whole film, to be honest.

During those momentum killing extra bits in Defying Gravity

It feels sacrilegious to say go for a pee break during Defying Gravity’s moment in the Wicked movie, but I hated the cringe and corny bit when Elphaba sees her younger self in the reflection. If you can pee in about 15 seconds then now is your chance. But this is also right by the end so you might as well just clench and say a little prayer.

Best wishes to your bladders.

For more like this and for the latest memes, quizzes, updates and general pop culture chaos – like The Tab on Facebook.