The 5 Types Of Friend Every Girl Has Made In The Loos

We’ve all been there, have you made any of these friends in the toilet?


Cubicle Neighbour Saviour

Some bastards don’t warn you when you are queuing that the cubicle they have just left is toilet paper free, leaving you in a drip and dry panic. Luckily, girls everywhere know that a small squeak of ‘Excuse me?’ and an awkward desperate hand underneath the adjoining wall will usually lead to much needed relief. Be warned: some stingy bitches only give one or two squares, so you might still end up rummaging for tissues in your handbag.

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Sweet sweet saviour

Compliment Queen

The one girl who catches your eye in the mirror, doesn’t quite know what to do, so comes out with the obligatory: ‘I love your dress!’. You both know she doesn’t mean it, but you still swagger out of the loo with a new found confidence.

The Goddess of Tampons

Lets face it ladies, we’ve all been caught short once or twice. In a full on emergency you may resort to the awkward toilet paper in pants solution. But every now and then, when you poke your head out of the cubicle and look out in desperation at the broken tampon machine (that only sells lil-lets anyway – who uses them?!), you’ll spot a goddess who produces a green stick of hope from her handbag with a smile.

Where are the tampons?!

Where are the tampons?!

The Flush For-warner

She comes out of the door you have been so desperately been waiting to break through and informs you that the flush doesn’t work. You then have to make a split second decision. Either smile graciously and nod in thanks, turning your attention to the next cubicle and trying to tell the impatient people in the queue behind you with your eyes that you have a valid reason not to enter. Or just fuck it and stroll in like you just don’t care if theres a floater on the other side.

I wasn't warned. Now I am screwed

I wasn’t warned. Now I am screwed

Your Future Wife

Aptly named because this is the woman you would happily have children for, donate a kidney to or save first in a zombie apocalypse. That one kind sole who warns you that a trail of evil toilet paper is stuck to your shoe and about to follow you into the big bad world, damaging the reputation you’ve spent years building. Short of enveloping them into a giant and inappropriate hug, you gush a thanks, attempt to kick/scrape the offending paper off in a weird dance and scurry away red cheeked. Thank you, just thank you.

Pre warning

Pre warning

Post warning dance

Post warning dance

Got any other types of toilet buddies? Fancy writing this kind of article yourself? Email [email protected]