Brum Girls: where to meet which type of girl

Coachella fans, conversation, or disco pants and a bandeau? We let you know where.


SNOBS

Here we could say that we see girls wearing, well, whatever the fuck they like really. However, this is the illusion. Snobs is not the haven for autonomous fashion as it once was. Dream attire for the ladies: an oversized jumper, preferably with a panther or an owl on the front and some leggings with holes in because they dun’ care. If you want to get in a girls’ good books here, be aware they like Alexa Chung but hate Anne Hathaway, and try only talking about made-up bands a la Jimmy Kimmel’s skit at Coachella. They’ll either fall for it and love your individual taste, or they’ll be aware of it and love the fact that you can laugh together over people with inferior music knowledge.

MECHU

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I asked some people to put forward some words representing girls in these different clubs, and this was the only club they all wrote exactly the same thing for: “posh”.

I would argue Mechu is far from posh. Mechu seems to me like a London club that got separated from its mother club when it first learnt to fly and ended up on the M40.

The girls will generally be rocking high heels, black dresses and a prepared half-smile, their glass tilted away from them in club photos as if they don’t even really drink, they’ve just been given it to hold by that semi-pro rugby player over there. Rahs are in abundance, and so are wannabe Rahs, and so are Made In Chelsea wannabe Rahs. Girls here will be happy to talk about their ponies, their lack of ponies, their make-up, Spencer and Louise, and the recent Beyoncé concert.

URBAN VILLAGE

Urban Village girls run the gamut from those on the way back from the library, with their leggings and cardigans, to girls in heels. No one can feel uncomfortable in a club-bar-pub-whatever as odd as Urban Village. Girls here are always themselves as this is the venue most quintessential to the student bubble, and there’s an atmosphere that fits everyone. You’re pretty much guaranteed to see someone on your course in Urban, so if you fancy that girl that you keep seeing in lectures, Urban is a pretty good bet. If you’re into actual conversation, this could be the place where you meet your future wife. If you’re not, perhaps a ‘friend with benefits’ might also be on the cards…

RISA

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If you’re a first year and you came straight to uni from sixth form/college, I’m sure you bloody love Risa. “Sick club, isn’t it? Yeah, it’s commercial but it’s also pretty jokes, you’ve gotta admit. And that sweaty, cheesy room? Lol, so many good times in there.”

No. Risa girls are generally unpretentious and up for a laugh, especially post-1st year with Freshers’ pressure off. These girls are fun-loving and will demonstrate this twerking to S Club and singing awful karaoke in that back room at the end of the night. They might also enjoy frolicking about with the Jagerbull Moose.

RAINBOW

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Some girls may think that because they went to Rainbow in the first term of their first year, they’re exempt from any stereotyping. A lot of girls use Rainbow as an excuse to buy clothes they’d never usually wear and wear them to a club they’d never usually go to. “You’ve always been into disco pants and a cropped print tea? I’d see you at the other clubs on this list with your hair in a high ponytail and a neo-retro bandeau on?” Don’t say these things to her. Make sure you take enough money to buy her an overpriced Red Stripe, and you may be lucky enough that she communicates her attraction through sweating on you and stealing your water bottle because she’s dehydrated “for some reason”.