The Tab Tries…Hangover Cures

We try the ten most recommended hangover cures after a heavy Bank Holiday.


It was all fun and games until somebody’s body got extremely dehydrated and sleep deprived due to liver-sobbing quantities of alcohol.

We’ve all been there, the apocalyptic hangover when the headache pulsating somewhere between your eyebrows is starting to feel like the end is nigh. While your drunken mind last night was thinking “Sure, I’ll brave the hangover, can’t be that bad!” your sober mind was wailing “NOO! MAKE IT STOP!”

It’s too late and now you are enduring the consequences. But according to the internet, there are magical cures that can relieve you of this diabolical suffering. The Tab decided to try the most suggested ones and report back which is the most effective…

1. “Greasy Food – Preferably a Fry-Up” 

Supposedly what most people crave after a night out, it is supposed to be the Godsend of hangovers.

fry up

Whoever said this is lying. I would especially NOT try this one first after waking up.

Fatty foods are supposed to distract your very sad stomach but what your body really needs is some more essential nutrients. Leave the sausages and just take the eggs if you can handle food at this point.

2. “Headache Pills – Ibuprofen if you have it.”

Reading the back of the tablet seemed like reading the promises of a magic spell book – make your head disappear is under an hour with extra caffeine for alertness?! Bring it at me bro.

One hour later. I feel no different. These are clearly placebos. Of course the little smug nurse’s voice in my head is telling me painkillers will only attend to the headache and won’t get rid of any alcohol still left in my system. Whatever. Next one.

3. “Vitamin C” 

So that’s basically orange juice and carrots. Hardly appetizing but easy enough. Does require a trip to Sainsbury’s though and the searing orange from that trip seemed like enough vitamin C for one day.

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It does feel nice to have something slightly more natural in my body but can’t say the transformation is magical.

4. “Burnt toast” 

A favourite remedy from my Mum this one. Apparently, your charcoal Hovis contains carbon which when activated is used to cure some types of poisoning. The carbs are going down well but I have set off the fire alarm which makes me clutch my forehead Harry Potter style. Maybe it’s time to get out of the house…

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5. “Exercise – try going for a run.”

I start off feeling confident. This cure promises to “sweat out the toxins” (nice) and stimulate endorphins which will make a happy person again rather than the wallowing lost soul I am right now.

This was a terrible idea. Not only did the weird combination of carrots and toast churn horribly in the stomach, but jogging around Lenton is like scrolling through a real-life Facebook.

Of course I bumped into a billion people that I knew who not only laughed at my sweaty 118 get up, but also at the idea that I was exercising to cure a hangover. Collapsed in shame.

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6. “Sleep.” 

Yes please. Thankfully, this is one of the most effective cures as most hangovers are induced by lack of full REM sleep. Zzzzzzz…. Slept for an hour but was woken by rumbling stomach so let’s try…

7. “Soup – try miso for extra benefits.”

What the fuck is miso soup? It’s has to be Heinz. Wait, I have no Heinz, I’ll settle for Baxters.

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Apparently the miso soup is a fermented food that contains healthy bacteria so its aids with digestion. I have a feeling carrot soup isn’t quite the same but hey it’s some more vitamin C and I’ll have it with some burnt toast. Two birds one stone.

8. “Hair of the dog.” 

This is the one I’ve been dreading. Despite being one of the most recommended cures, I can’t help but feel this is a coward’s way out.

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The smell was enough for me. Decision made, definitely never drinking again.

9. “Water – lots of it.”
Probably should have done this before turning back to alcohol first. The most sensible option of the lot, I thought this was a bit boring so I added some sugar to one glass and salt to the other which combined helps replace the sodium and glycogen lost the night before, don’t you know? 
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ABORT. ABORT. TASTES LIKE SWIMMING POOLS. 
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That’s better. 
10. “Self-pity in numbers” 
There’s nothing else I can do now really. I tried and failed. If you are doomed to feel crappy forever, at least do it in style sprawled on the sofa with your fellow hanging housemates. It’s good for a laugh to go over the regrets of the night and anything to cheer you up is bound to be good. Until that one fucker pipes up:
“I’ve got an excellent hangover cure, works every time. Don’t drink the night before!”
You know what, roll on exams; I can’t hack the hangover any longer.