Who we actually want to speak at commencement
Because we’re done getting the second best. Yup, I’m looking at you Mr. Vice President
We spend four long years camping out in Starr, chugging Red Bull until our eyelids twitched and burning equations into our booze-soaked brains.
Yale is hard. So yeah, Joe Biden was great, John Kerry is pretty cool, but let’s use that billion-dollar endowment to get someone we REALLY want to speak at commencement.
Leslie Knope
Waffle-lover. Feminist. Works for the government – just like last year’s speaker, Joe Biden.
Titus Andromedon
If he could pen such a lyrical masterpiece like Peeno Noir, you know his commencement address would be incredible.
Stephen Merchant
The co-writer and co-director of the original, British version of The Office could bring the laughs and some amazing dance moves to commencement.
Maury Povich
Since his show is based in Stamford, it’s an easy commute for him. Plus we’d finally find out who’s the father.
Anna Kendrick
The star of everyone’s favorite a cappella franchise speaks at the home of the Whiffenpoofs. What could be more fitting? Actually, I think I’d prefer Rebel Wilson.
Donald Trump
Because if he has the time to come speak at commencement, hopefully that would mean his presidential campaign has failed.
Kylie Jenner
This 18-year-old has so much to teach us about how to be successful through hard work and dedication.