How breast cancer changed my life forever

I wish I didn’t have the experience to write 500 words about it. I wish I hadn’t felt pain so deep that it took my breath away. I wish one of my biggest role models was still here with me.

When my aunt, Cyndi Saliby, was diagnosed with breast cancer, everything changed. Someone I looked to as invincible had become mortal and vulnerable. She had protected me since my first day of existence, but now she was the one who needed the protection.

I live in a close-knit family, which has always drawn on hope and faith to get out of tough situations. If God was so great, how could He have done this to my Aunt Cyndi? How could He have done this to me? Somehow, Cyndi kept a smile on her face, even with these questions in mind.

Dying my hair pink in 2012 when Cyndi’s battle had first begun

She fought hard, like she always did, and ended up cancer-free for a while. Her health was looking up. She taught me about faith and God, both directly and indirectly. Cyndi taught me the power of prayer and helped me to believe in the goodness of faith again.

She made us all laugh when we had every reason to cry. She talked to me about my depression and anxiety before I had even identified in myself. She taught me lessons about family, boys, and life I couldn’t have gotten elsewhere, but I wasn’t the only one who needed her.

Even though treatment made her arms and legs ache, she still traveled to see her extended family and grandchildren with a smile on her face.

Even though the pictures are grainy, they are more important to me than anything.

Then, everything got bad again. All of a sudden, Cyndi’s health took a dramatic decline. The organs which were once healthy were now at huge risk. She was constantly in and out of the hospital. MRIs found cancer practically everywhere and spreading fast.

Cyndi decided to stop the harsh treatments and live out the rest of her days next to her daughters, son, and grandchildren. Every time I called her, I felt guilty as I cried. She had become the one who was consoling me.

Towards the last few days, I wrote her letters and sent countless texts to make sure I said all that I needed to say. I knew the last days were coming and the goodbye would need to come eventually.

When Cyndi passed away, it felt like the world had shifted beneath my feet. It took weeks to stop the crying. I constantly went back to the texts we shared. I realized she still is here in every step I take.

She kept me safe when I got in a car accident last weekend. She holds my hand silently and delicately when I have panic attacks. She soothes me as my test anxiety grows during exams.

This amazing woman doesn’t have to be on the planet to be in my life. I was blessed to have known, let alone shared genes with, her at all. Now, my life will be dedicated to living based on the lessons and memories she has given us all.

She was physically there to help me through all the dark times of teen angst. Now, she helps me through all the dark times of my life, even if it’s not physically.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This whole month has been dedicated to supporting the women in our lives who have made us think, sleep, eat, and breathe the way we do.

This October has been about raising awareness for the fighting women who, like my Aunt Cyndi, have had a smile on their faces everyday.

Too many of my loved ones, Facebook friends, and peers have a story just like this one. Too many people have had their lives stripped away and changed so dramatically by this disease.

Rather than expecting the change to happen in labs, it’s time to be on the front lines. Donations of time, money, or resources are always appreciated. Events can be organized in any month by pretty much anyone. Lastly, never underestimate the power of your voice. Aunt Cyndi taught me that.

For more information about what you can do to help, visit www.cancer.org.