UW-Madison roommate horror stories

Some of us have great roommates and some of us have not so great roommates, but only a few of us have these roommates. In the interest of confidentiality, I’ve kept the names of my patrons anonymous, but please enjoy some of the worst roommate horror stories at UW-Madison.

“My roommate used to wake me up in the morning and ask me how my spirit was doing. I never knew how to respond.”

“One time I came home after class and the bathroom was COVERED in blood. I cleaned and bleached everything then went downstairs to eat dinner. When I came back upstairs, there was blood everywhere again! When I asked my roommate to clean the bathroom, she refused and said there was nothing wrong. So I cleaned it that time too.”

“The day I moved in, I came home from getting my last dinner with my family, opened the door, and was hit with a wall of stank. She’d left two gallons of milk on top of the fridge the entire day and it had spilled and was yellow and crusted. She left milk out the whole year despite me saying that it needed to be refrigerated.”

“My roommate once locked me in our room, so she could have a ‘conversation with me about my religion’. I asked to leave and she wouldn’t let me. It lasted two hours.”

“My roommate went through other people’s trash, left McDonald’s wrappers everywhere, collected the free condoms/lube that University Housing gave out, and slept on folded pairs of denim jeans.”

“One time, I woke up to pounding on my door. I opened it to find my roommate making out with our RA. They fell into our room and didn’t stop.”

“My roommate had some adult fun in the bunk bed above me while I was there, and then proceeded to throw up on me.”

“The futon in my dorm was lodged up against my bed and one night I woke up to my bed shaking and it turned out my roommate was having sex on the futon while I was asleep.”

“My roommate would lay in bed the entire day watching Bad Girls Club and eating the smelliest foods known to man.”

“My roommate showered twice all semester and wore the same outfit (her work uniform) every day. The only time she changed was Halloween, when she went as a broken doll.”

“I couldn’t see the floor of my roommate’s side of the room because of how much of her stuff was scattered around the room for weeks after spring break. Her bras were mixed with food. And Witte is small to begin with…”

“My roommate was gone for two days and I had no idea where she was. Turns out she went to the ER for snorting ecstasy, because a shard got stuck in her nose and made her nose bleed for two days. I had to hear all of this from my RA!”

“One time I was in my bunk and my roomie and her boyfriend walked in and started talking about me, because they didn’t know I was there. Thirty minutes later, I had to awkwardly leave my bunk, and they realized I’d been there the whole time.”

“My roommate would have sex at least twice a day. One time I fell asleep and there was one guy and when I woke up there was a different one! She also had a box full of sex toys which she frequently used while I was in the room.”

“My roommate had upside down crosses and magazine models cut in the shape of cats hanging on our walls and five pointed stars on every white board. There was literally a line down the middle of the room and if I crossed it I got my head ripped off.”

“One of my roommates brought a tinder match into our bathroom for some adult fun and then proceeded to my room since her shared bedroom was occupied, and I was elsewhere.”

“My roommate stole my lululemon clothes, bras, and Ray Bans. I found the bras and clothes at the bottom of her laundry basket and hidden in her drawers, but I never found my Ray Bans…”

“My roommate did her laundry in the room. All four pairs of her underwear would soak in a basin at the foot of her bed for a couple days before she would have them hang dry in her closet for a couple more days.”

“My roommate hid food underneath her bed that went bad. Not only did I try for weeks to figure out where the stench was coming from, I also came home from class and was greeted with a mouse running about our room.”

“My roommate frequently had friends into our room without asking. One night, his friend peed on my open laptop.”

Everyone please take a moment to be thankful you don’t have the people in these stories as your roommates.