Why I’m conflicted about re-rushing a sorority

First semester freshman year I rushed the social sororities on campus. Long story short, I did not get a bid. Now, at the end of my freshman year, I know people in sororities, and some are encouraging me to rush. And I am remarkably conflicted about this.

I am a gregarious person who enjoys meeting new friends, knowing dozens of people and attending social events. I’m vaguely jealous of my affiliated friends and their sorority families of bigs and grand bigs and siblings. Legally Blonde and its sorority shenanigans is one of my favorite movies of all time. Even though I wouldn’t know everyone in the organization, I would enjoy having a community of women with which I felt a sense of camaraderie and belonging.

However, I am fiercely feminist and independent. I rushed sororities. I have male friends who have rushed fraternities. The differences between the two rushes drives me bonkers. While the sororities have their problems (i.e. cannot hold parties in srat houses, having to attend events in order to avoid penalization, etc.), I cannot seem to gather enough activation energy to propel me through the rush process in itself.

When rushing sororities, PNMs (Potential New Members) must go to all of the sorority houses. Males rushing fraternities can simply target the houses they want to rush. This bothers me. While freshman year it was nice to rush all of the houses because I did not really know the personalities of the chapters, by now I know which houses I definitely would want to rush and which I definitely would not.

As a sophomore, having to go back to all of the houses, even those I do not care for, would be a waste of my time and a waste of the sisters’ time. Additionally, I feel like this difference between fraternities and sororities highlight a double standard in society: ladies are supposed to be polite to everyone. They have to rush all the houses as to not hurt the feelings of some sororities in showing their disinterest. Men are able to target exactly what they want and go for it and do not have to waste their time pleasing others.

View of sorority court

Along the line of the previous point, rushing just takes a dang long time. Two weekends vanish during the rush process. I am a busy college student with homework and clubs and a social life. Spending two entire weekends rushing sororities, some of which I wouldn’t join, causes me to think twice before registering to rush.

Sorority rushing is composed of groups of women lead by recruitment counselors. Before visiting the houses for the first time, the recruitment counselors told us to not talk about the five B’s: Booze, Boys, Bible, Bank account and Bush (for politics). Being a contrary beast, I HATE it when I am told point blank to not discuss something. Granted, I was not going to waltz into Delta Delta Delta bragging about how many dudes I’ve hooked up with or grilling sisters on their political beliefs. But it is annoying to be told not to.

Especially when there are no such guideline limitations on men rushing fraternities. Not only are they able to discuss anything with the brothers, but oftentimes they drink ‘adult beverages’ while chewing the fat. When a friend of mine who rushed a fraternity read this rough draft, he was somewhat shocked and thought that it was a joke. In addition to being contrary, the double standard is infuriating. It is not a system I am sure I want to partake in.

As previously mentioned, I dislike being told what to do. PNMs are told that they cannot go out on weekend nights because they might see a current member. The current member and the PNM might engage in conversation under the effects of the Devil’s Liquid That Shall Not Be Named Whilst Rushing. Apparently members are also told not to go out. The reason is that by limiting contact between members and PNMs there is less “dirty rushing” which is any divergence from the protocol. Admittedly this makes some sense, but I still think that it is stupid. I broke this rule.

When I didn’t get a bid last semester, I was temporarily upset. However, not getting a bid freed up my time so I was able to join another college group which now is comprised of some of my dearest friends.

But I want more dear friends. I want my Legally Blonde moment. So being in a sorority is beckoning me. But I don’t want to rush. I don’t want the time drain and the limited small talk.   I no longer live with my parents – I don’t want to have to sneak out if I want to go out at night. I don’t want to engage in a system that treats women in obviously different ways than men.

In the end, I’ll probably decide about two minutes before rush registration is due.