Stop judging me because I got engaged at college

Nikki Farmer is a senior here at Vanderbilt studying Special Education and Spanish. If you were to see her walking around campus, you’d hardly expect anything different about her. You might have class with her. You might see her perform in Diwali. You might receive her counsel in the study abroad office about Vanderbilt programs and the benefits of getting off campus to learn. You might see her participating in the Baptist Collegiate Ministry (BCM) on campus. You might see her heavily involved with Next Steps through the Peabody College.

Or you might have seen her fiancé on bended knee atop an MRB rooftop or her engagement photographs on social media.

That’s right – Nikki got engaged at the beginning of her second semester senior year to her boyfriend of two years, Zach St. Clair, a Vanderbilt junior. The two met through the BCM on campus and have been dating for two years.

I’m sure many a Vandy student has heard the term “ring by Spring” in reference to girls getting engaged before they graduate. In case you avoid human interaction on campus or aren’t exactly sure to what the terminology implies, the phrase is used denote young women whose ultimate goal is to secure a husband before graduating.

The way I’ve heard the phrase “ring by Spring” used here is in mockery – to shroud the concept in a parodic and anti-Feminist tone that assumes the decision to get engaged is the chief female pursuit at a university. It’s an updated version of “the Mrs. Degree” punchline, so to speak.

Nikki said: “Getting engaged doesn’t mean that was my goal all along or that it’s the only thing that matters to me”.

She also noted though that she has never personally experienced the negative effects of the “ring by Spring” phrase when speaking of her engagement.  

The couple talked often about the possibility of marriage and they both knew that was the direction they would eventually head.

“We plan to get married once he graduates but before he goes to med school. Until then I’ll be teaching here in Nashville and furthering my career.”

To counteract the terminology currently used on campus, one could individualize the experience and adopt a mentality of “it depends on the couple and what’s right for them.” 

Nikki said: “Everyone has a different college experience and while a lot of people might not understand this choice, it’s a part of my college experience. It makes sense to us and to me.”

While young engagements might be more expected at small, religious institutions, Vanderbilt students seem to assume a reluctance to the idea. “People think it’s being tied down, but ultimately it’s not much different than being in a committed relationship during college. I have and plan to continue having many adventures, I just get to do them with the promise of forever with my best friend,” Nikki said.

The phrase “ring by Spring” is mostly offered in jest, but it can be harmful to assume a parodic tone and project it onto other people’s experiences. Nikki thinks it’s important to know that being engaged definitely “shaped her college experience,” but didn’t stop her from living what is thought to be a traditional college life – “living with friends, working towards my dream career, taking spontaneous Nashville trips, etc.”

The reasons for the drop in marriage rates are speculated at, but ultimately it’s good to remember that people’s experiences have to be right for them. The terminology of “ring by Spring” can cast a negative light on those choosing to get engaged, as well as assuming that women are still only working to be wives even at college.

Misconceptions run rampant around this topic.

Nikki wants to assure everyone that “it is possible to have found my best friend that I want to spend the rest of my life with while simultaneously working to be an amazing and impactful teacher in the career world.”