Things I wish I’d known before my first frat party

When I moved from the UK to Nashville for university , I didn’t know what to expect. As soon as I walked down Broadway though, I knew I was in for a good time.

Downtown Nashville is basically an Ibiza strip, except in this town, bars are frequented by drunk cowboys and their guitars, and country music blares instead of EDM.

Even that level of crazy couldn’t prepare me for partying frat-style. Here are a few things I wish I’d known before I encountered the parallel universe known as Greek life:

How to play pong

It seems simple. Throw the ball into one of the many cups – how hard can it be?

Factor in possible intoxication, and the pressure of an eagerly awaiting crowd and it becomes slightly scarier.

You haven’t known true terror until you are faced with a line of rowdy frat brothers playfully screaming “freshmaaaan” at you, as you tearfully make your sixth unsuccessful attempt to get the pong ball into the goddamn cup.

Nice shoes are a worthless investment

Spending the remnants of your birthday money on a perfect pair of shoes that you’re sure will go perfectly with every outfit will probably seem like a good idea when you’re staring them down on the Nordstrom sale rail.

As soon as you find yourself wading through a river of spilt alcohol, peeling the soles of your shoes off the whisky soaked hardwood though, you will realise they were the most worthless investment you have ever and will ever make.

By the end of your first semester, you will probably have decided upon an assigned pair of “party shoes”, usually a pair of Converse that have already been so destroyed by the infamous “frat floor” it is impossible for them to be ruined any further.

Don’t call a fraternity by the wrong name

Fraternities take the reputation of their brotherhoods very seriously.

That means calling them by the name of that so-called “lower-tier” frat at the other end of Greek Row will be taken very much to heart. As a side note, it’s also not a good idea to let on that you think the other frat’s parties are better (even if they really, really are).

If you find yourself frantically trying to learn the Greek alphabet to distinguish one frat house from the next, know you are not alone. Vanderbilt was made for overachieving partiers.

Wear an outfit that fits any possible theme going

In the space of a night, you might party-hop between frat houses with very different party themes. There can definitely be some overlap, rocking a Hawaiian shirt for example can often cover a Hipster theme, a casual hang-out with no-theme (you’ll just look like a hipster) and the Hawaiian beach party itself.

But don’t stress too much. At the start of the night, you might get a few strange looks when you turn up at a Space Age party as Hermione Granger but, by midnight, every party will probably contain a strange mix of the futuristic and the fantastical.

Tailgates won’t always end in a football game

Football is fun, at first. But as your already mountainous academic workload starts increasing by the day, the stadium’s vast stands become a place primed for self-reflection.

With play seemingly suspended every other minute, the paused clock only serves as a reminder that real time cannot be paused and you have two papers due on Monday that you haven’t even started. Let’s just say it becomes a lot more tempting to only stay until half time, before sneaking off to begin denting that mountain of work. And so, so quickly, half time becomes the first quarter and, before you know it, you’re running straight from the tailgate to the library, hoping the journey will sober you up.

It’s best to avoid the eyes of the die-hard fans, for fear of being overcome with shame. If you get too close, their black and gold body-paint may brush off on your skin as they stalk past you, branding you with the mark of a bad Commodore.

 

Here’s hoping I can distinguish one Greek letter from another by sophomore year.

And that I’m better at beer pong.