After leaving South Korea, I found my home at UVA

I woke up sweating in the middle of the night. I had such an awful dream, or maybe just a stressful one. Whatever the case, I woke up wanting Bodo’s Bagels (I mean, we’ve all been through this before, right?).

But when I opened my eyes, things were different. I wasn’t in my dorm room, covered with photos of my friends and my adventures, I wasn’t in my bed in Charlottesville with my furry pillow, I didn’t hear college kids outside my door yelling and screaming even though it was 4am, I wasn’t home.

Over winter break, I went back to my hometown in Seoul, South Korea. I was born there and lived there until I was about five years old, when I moved to the States, more specifically Northern Virginia.

I hadn’t been back to Seoul since I left, and when I arrived, I felt like a foreigner in my own country. Strangers stared at me when I spoke English, it took a while for me to adjust to the food, and jet lag lasted for way longer than it should have. I just didn’t feel that sense of belonging.

However, Seoul is a beautiful city, and South Korea is a beautiful country. Being there brought back memories, memories I didn’t even know I had. I remember watching a Helen Keller documentary, my eyes glued to the very 90s television set, amazed by a little girl who changed the world and thinking maybe I could too.

I remember walking through streets of food and eating like the world was going to end. I remember that distinct grandma smell whenever I walked into her house. I remember feeling like a kid and playing pretend-teacher in front of a pretend-classroom with pretend-students. I remembered a lot, but that feeling of home just wasn’t there.

I spent 13 years in Northern Virginia, just outside of DC, one of my favorite cities. I loved my childhood neighborhood, where I used to play in the park right outside my house. I used to be on the swim team and the cross country team, both of which I sucked at…but, I had made some great friends.

And I really did make some great friends throughout my 13 years here. My friends and I would drive to nowhere in the middle of the night with music blasting in the car until our ears were numb.

We would play this game: flip a coin and if you get heads, you turn right, and if you get tails, you turn left. In short, we were a cheesy indie flick, and we didn’t care. We loved it.

But, I was still a foreigner, and my culture was always different from everyone else’s. They didn’t understand the foods I ate, and my speaking in Korean to my parents was a little weird for them. It seemed like everyone in Northern Virginia has only been to Northern Virginia and only knows the culture there.

I didn’t really think I had somewhere where I truly felt like I was home. I was a foreigner here, and I was a foreigner there.

When I came to UVA though, it all changed (I know, very cliché of me). People were gathering at this great institution from all over the world for one reason: to learn. To learn about different cultures, to learn about their future, to learn about themselves. It was a beautiful sight.

People here challenge each other, and debate was encouraged in classes. People here grab the person next to them no matter who it is or where they’re from and belt the Good Ol’ Song on top of their lungs. People here take off their clothes with complete strangers and run across the lawn – it’s a long way, and Homer’s butt is kind of hard to climb – but that’s the level of dedication to tradition and camaraderie. Or maybe we’re just silly college kids. But, these silly college kids have made me feel so at home.

I’ve realized that “home” is not really about places. It’s about you. It’s about finding a home between your own bones. It’s about that sense of self. It’s about finding peace with yourself and your background. And it’s also about the people you’re surrounded with.

And I know that the people I’m surrounded with make me feel at home. I don’t really feel all different from everyone else because everyone is different. We all come from different backgrounds and different cultures. That should unite us, not separate us. We should try to find homes within each other because sometimes, we feel a little lost. And that’s okay, as long as we’re able to find our way back, maybe with a little help from our Wahoos.