The three ‘sacred’ ways to end a relationship
Thou shalt streak the lawn, and then continue running – far far away
It is a universal truth that relationships in modern times heavily depend on technology. From texts to Tinder, we are surrounded by a virtually endless supply of dates, hook-ups, and attention.
Unfortunately, once interest is gained and unrequited, our generation has made a scripture of the new ways to say no. These methods can be used in any order and for as long as it takes to get the message across.
Thou shalt make excuses
This is a staple, mostly because I used it a lot, and I know you have to.
“Oh sorry, I can’t go out tonight, I need to study for this quiz.”
It’s so easy, and in my situations, actually true. Excuses are a quick fix for blowing off those late night booty calls, or even giving the yielding hand to a new suitor.
Thou shalt drop off the face of the Earth
Also known as ‘ghosting’, for those that have been seeing someone for almost a month or more, excuses are a start, but they won’t cut those ties. You muse become invisible.
The read receipts on your phone must be shut off, the calls blocked, all location settings have to be disabled. You might even question name changes and hair dyes.
Yes, I too have used this tactic, and it does work.
Thou shalt not beat around the bush
This is the most ballsy and rare choice of break-ups. It is like spring time in Hell. Why would anyone simply want to convey their feelings during a vulnerable time, when there is a screen and interface to numb the detachment of something that made you unhappy or uncomfortable?
We all don’t like to be let down, but riddle me this: would you rather be let down by a soft cushiony lie, or the hard cold truth?
The answer can be revealed by how much you enjoy closure. Personally, I hate staying awake wondering what people think about me, and yes I should ignore it, but is it that easy? Telling the truth about how you feel about someone, unrequited or not, lets you and them be free to make plans, sleep, and decided if they want or need to go blonde.
So the next time you try to tell your sweetheart or Tinder-swipe-right if things should go farther, remember it is your choice, but scraping thorns out works better with honest plucks than silly words.