How to find a boyfriend at UVA

It’s almost Valentine’s day, and I’m single. Again.

When I transferred to UVA, I thought it would be easy to snag a boyfriend in the land of guys in ties. We’d meet in a library – I’d be checking out Sylvia Plath’s journals, and he’d reach up to get it for me because he’s so tall, and then he’d say “Wow, I love Sylvia Plath, but I personally prefer Ariel  to The Bell Jar” and we’d go get a coffee and not even notice any time had passed until an employee came and told us they closed two hours ago (silly us!!).

But alas, no one checks out books anymore, and the one time I tried I stared at the call numbers for thirty minutes and the only male interaction was with a boy who pointed out my shoe was untied. Young love.

So if you want better luck than me, here’s some totally illegitimate advice* that I got on finding a boyfriend at UVA.

*These are my friends who are wholly unqualified to tell anyone anything about dating

Stop blacking out in bars

This one is smart AF. If you can’t even remember the guy’s face that you’re making out with, how are you going to stalk him on Facebook and subtly go to an event that he’s going to so you can run into him again and casually ask him to your date function?? Hmm??

Be realistic about finding love in college

TL;DR : We’re all stressed and have no time and then when we do have time we get shitfaced. So maybe it’s not that only you can’t find a boyfriend, but that the whole college sweetheart thing is in the past. However the advice to wait around until love finds you is very solid. Always take advice that involves literally doing nothing.

Try dating apps

This will be me on Valentine’s day, double fisting with some red wine and seeking out potential candidates while singing “I been drankin, I been drankin,” to myself on the couch in sweatpants.

You’ll know he’s boyfriend material if he messages you things like “34D” because that’s the address of his apartment where he set up a surprise scavenger hunt as a first date.

Join a club and/or be intriguing

Exclusively wear your hair in Miley Cyrus buns. Refuse to wash your apples before eating them. Only write with a quill out of principle against modernity. Once you’re substantially intriguing, go to a party and flirt with them. Perfect.

Go on a Love Connection date

Kidding. Literally, do anything else but this.