Hoos ready for Friendsgiving?

I woke up around noon on November 1st and although I was still in my costume from the night before, I knew in my heart that something had changed.

A new month and a new me, I had one thing to yell aloud to the world (aka my roommates):

IT’S THANKSGIVING MOTHERFUCKERS.

Talk of Friendsgiving has been in the air since Hoos started wearing sweaters in 70 degree weather and declaring it to be Fall. Inspired by advice from Jamie Oliver himself, I present…

Friendsgiving recipes any poor college student can attempt

Turkey

Thank the lawd that turkey ended up being reserved solely for Thanksgiving. I’ve met maybe five people who don’t think turkey is a dry disgrace to the poultry kingdom.

Thankfully, this recipe is one of the cheapest on the list, letting you claim to have an authentic dinner without truly committing yourself financially.

Ingredients

• Some powdered, just-add-water-and-love gravy mix

Directions

• Befriend a first year/someone with a meal plan
• Steal some dining hall meat (try Runk if you’re feeling fancy), BUT make sure to do this without reading the label. The actual appearance most likely won’t give you a hint on it’s true identity
• This is the most critical step – add water to your powdered gravy
• Cover your mystery meat in gravy until your forget about your stint of Obola

Stuffing

This one is a no brainer because who the fuck likes stuffing, AKA soggy, turkey-tinted bread mush. Messing it up probably means you’re on the way to making it just like Grandma does.

Ingredients

• 1 onion
• 2 eggs – probably stolen from a roommate
• Butter – to your liking
• The closest thing you own to bread – hot dog buns? Cheezits? This is where you can really get creative.
• Whatever spices you own, but ideally sage, salt, pepper, etc.

Directions

• Melt butter
• Crumble bread
• Mix that shit up
• Bake at 375 for 30 minutes or microwave for maybe thirty seconds (times vary based on wattage and patience)

Pumpkin Pie

Although the Pumpkin Flavor Domination of Fall Controversy is a touchy subject, recent scientific research has uncovered that pumpkin pie is delicious and that people who disagree are probably assholes.

Ingredients

• ¾ cup sugar
• 1 ½ teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 1 can pumpkin
• 1 ¼ cups evaporated milk or probably milk will work (hopefully)
• 2 eggs, beaten/bitchslapped
• Premade pie crust

Directions

• Heat oven to 350°F
• In large bowl, mix filling ingredients
• Pour into pie crust
• Set time for 45 to 50 minutes and let bake
• Forget about pie in oven/take a nap/overestimate how long 45 minutes is
• Take pie out after smoke alarm goes off
• Cry a little bit
• Drive to grocery store of choice
• Buy a pre-made pie
• Heat up if motivated enough, but it’s also totally acceptable to eat cold

The last necessary ingredient for Friendsgiving is friends. If you don’t have any then try rounding up some people who look hungry and desperate for love.

As you eat your disgraceful meal, these people will help you pretend that Friendsgiving is a fun Fall tradition.

Pro tip: Wine also helps.