I’m clueless about science, but I sat through Physics, Marine Biology and Microbiology lectures

The words “the grass is always greener” were probably never spoken by a freelance photographer surrounded by a room full of professionals in the medical field. Why? Because even if their grass was greener, it probably requires constant, tedious maintenance and a well-regulated, industrial-grade sprinkler system.

That’s a level of commitment I just can’t keep up with.

Even though I’m happy to be a journalism major at UNC, I recently wondered why many of my friends were doing Pre-Med, Physics, Mathematics and Politics-oriented focuses.

So I decided to sit in five different lectures covering the subjects of Physics, Microbiology, Geology, Neuroscience and Terrorism. This is the closest I will ever get to conducting an “experiment.”

Are my friends engaging in self-torture for giggles, or is there something each of us can gain from taking a step outside our personal bubbles? Giggles and bubbles aside, let’s dive in.

PHYS 115: 9.05am, Hump Day

I was a little nervous to slip into a big lecture room which I had absolutely no place in whatsoever. But then again, I’m sure most of those kids didn’t feel right at home, either.

The lay-down

First impressions are key, so when I read “Exam 3 average = 65 percent,” I knew Physics and I were off to a rocky start. Yikes. If we met on OkCupid, I’d expect some error message like “zero percent compatibility, please keep moving.” For the love of God, keep moving.

Optic nerves. Retina. Cornea. Focal length. Nothing too complex.

The guest speaker begins: “Why do giant squids have such giant eyes?” Ah! Sweet relief, this is like an episode of The Blue Planet. Whales, seals and crustaceans. Cute little sea critters that bobble along the ocean blue in sweet harmony.

Then lecture dives into some slightly more dense subject matter. “Refractive power,” “ciliary muscles,” “angle of incidence,” “far points” and some wonky formulas I’ll happily let other people figure out while I write this piece. Ironically, I didn’t leave this lecture on vision with much clarity.

Take-away 

Even though I grasped only the teensiest amount of information throughout this 50-minute lecture, did YOU know myopia and hyperopia are just fancy words for near- and -farsightedness?

Also, giant squids’ eyes are big because they need to be able to see at great distances with clarity. Wish I had a more exciting explanation.

If anything, I’ve added some interesting terminology to my trivia word bank. Aside from that, I now have to reboot my brain and recover all the happy memories lost.

MCRO 251: 12.30pm, “Is it Friday yet?”

Even though Physics left my head spinning with abstract formulas and eyeball jargon, I was content with my new perspective on prescription lenses. I wish I could say the same for Microbiology.

The lay-down 

Big ol’ lecture. Slip in quietly, a couple minutes late, and find myself surrounded by a far-reaching ocean of laptops and their drowsy human companions.

Question on the screen: which of the following is a symptom, not a sign? Fever, nausea, rash, vomiting, or sneezing.

This is child’s play. I quietly scoff and whisper: “fever, obviously.”

Lesson learned: just because you say something with confidence does not make it true.

The professor gives the run-down. “Symptoms cannot be accurately measured or quantified, they’re merely feelings experienced by the subject.” Apparently that leaves “nausea” as the appropriate response. Off to a solid start.

This professor knows her stuff, and that comes from someone who has almost no idea what she was talking about. Pseudo-membranes, pathogenesis, corynebacterium diphtheriae, lysogenic conversion, adenoviral pharyngitis…can we get a translator in here? I hope someone derives their own language from Bio terms and forms an underground hip-hop group called Toxic Pseudo or something.

Take-away 

The best way to protect against the common cold (something we have not yet combatted with vaccines, by the way) is washing your hands. Also, get the TDaP vaccine if you haven’t already. I recently got it and found out how great it is at fighting rare diseases. “TDaP” would also make a great name for a hip-hop group.

MASC 101: 2.30pm, TGIF

Marine Sciences. Sea and science. Two things which lie on opposite ends of my like-ability spectrum. But learning about the ocean can’t be all that baffling and confounding, right? (See my earlier reaction to giant squid.)

The lay-down 

First off, I was super hesitant about walking into this room once I realized it was the class recitation. But I swallowed all my excuses and scuttled in there anyway. Decent-size lecture, mostly freshmen eagerly typing away on their laptops.

Class-time objective: discuss coast classifications based on geology and describe the difference between primary and secondary coasts. Then figure out why we shouldn’t build houses on barrier islands.

OK, primary and secondary coasts…so like, Atlantic and Pacific? Jersey Shore and Long Island?

Immediately the girl in front of me types “coast classifications based on geology.” I don’t blame her for her word-for-word search on Google. After all, how many of our classes are just testing our skills at rapid and precise Googling? Where’s Google 101? ‘Cause I would be killin’ that class.

We talk briefly about tectonic plates, deposition, coral reefs, short waves, shallow waves, long waves, isopycnal lines and swells. The professor went in-depth (pun intended) on all of the material, and I now have one more thing I know I’ll never be good at.

Take-away 

Building houses on barrier islands or beaches is dumb not only because of unforeseen natural disasters, but also because our tax dollars are used to reestablish destroyed houses afterward. New course title: “Not Learning from Our Mistakes.”

Catch part two of this scientific extravaganza next week on The Tab UNC when we talk about Neuroscience and Terrorism. Neurons, science, and terror – oh my!