A letter from my high school self

After staying up all night struggling though the evolution of human history (I had an exam on human evolution), I felt completely spent. The semester has been great… but it has also been long and hard. Now, it is coming to an end. I cannot help but think what the summer has in store for me nor what the heck my life will be like. With thoughts of grades, family, money and potential dreams spiraling around, I was in a state of confusion- a muddy haze tinged with slight bitterness towards the systems and decisions that brought me to my current state of being.

The moment I decided to get back into gear and crank through school assignments, I open my email to find a letter that I had written late at night after days of overwhelming, stress, fear doubt and tears. While it had some grammatical errors, this letter made me realize what a wonderful and challenging experience I’ve had so far in my first year of college. It read as follows:

“Dear Future Me,

I never thought how disillusioned my college application experience would’ve left me. After countless summers of taking college classes, accommodating my family according to my busy schedule and a lot of bumps along the way, I thought that I would have come out triumphant in my senior year. In the end, this is what I have been building up for- college. I guess I entered the race a little too uninformed and with high expectations of the stereo-typically wonderful experience everyone tells you you’re going to have. After late nights of chasing ideas and words around my head and many crying fits, I ended up getting rejected by four schools, wait-listed by three and accepted into two.

Not the result I was expecting.

However, after thinking of ‘what could have been’ I take a good look at what I have. In the end, I come to the realization that I did quite well for myself. At the end of a day, these past four years were just a basis of my continuing education. And no matter where I end up going, I know I will do many great things along the way. Sure, I probably won’t have the idyllic out of state college experience where I get to dorm with another scared freshman like me in a strange city. But whatever experience I end up having will be a great one nonetheless. So when I start remembering the ‘unfortunatelys’ of those packed in those thin envelopes and the time spent in limbo to see if a university had any space available for me, I just have to take a quick glance at what I have- a bright future.

Next year, you will be reading this remembering all the tears and headaches, all the energy you spent worrying over nothing. And instead of regretting it, you will smile. Your smile will be so wide and fulfilled because you have met amazing people and professors. You will have laughed with your old and new friends as you journeyed into the new adventures that adulthood offered you. You will smile because you ended up falling in love with your school, and even more so with yourself. And you will be so proud of what you have accomplished thus far, despite all the challenges that fate has thrown into your path.

You will smile with pride and resilience because what seemed like such a huge hurdle will seem small and petty. You are made of greater things. Numbers, letters and grades are not you. You are the one who sculpts the masterpiece of your unique individuality and you are the one who decides her own fate.

Right now, it feels like everything in the universe has control over you. But one day you’ll realize that it was all in your mind, because you are now your own master.

And yes, you will still face many hardships, even tougher than these silly college applications. But in the end it is all just fine because you have you, you have God. So read this letter during those hard times. Read this letter after another yet amazing concert you went to. Read it while you’re on a once-in-a-lifetime trip. You’ll remember to appreciate all you have done. Because you are more than enough and you’ll inspire people to strive for better things, because everyone is more than enough.

So smile. Don’t compare yourself to other because you are unlike anyone else. You have a great adventure ahead of you. It just up to you where that takes you.”

It may be cheesy. Still, I couldn’t help but smile and realize how much I had grown over the past year. A shy girl who was scared of riding public transportation, of meeting new people, of expressing her hopes and opinions, was now an almost adult lady figuring out the next steps I needed to take in life.  And I have done some wonderful things; I went on a mission trip this past December, grew in awe of humanity’s diversity and met some inspiring people after experiencing their music and art.

This is not a particular example of success- just an example of the growth one experiences as they go through stages in life. I am not Indiana Jones, a world renowned photojournalist or celebrity activist for a cause yet. I am just a girl like any other, a girl who has laughed, cried, seen pained people and magnificent sunrises… A girl who is still trying to figure out where life is taking her- or where she wants to take life.