The different types of Uber drivers you’ll meet in Miami

Whether you’re looking for a ride back from South Beach at two in the morning or trying to get to Publix to restock on ice cream, Uber is always there for you. They’re your go-to for (hopefully) quick and cheap rides to get you to and from your destination.

In the diverse, traffic-filled city of Miami, the possibilities are endless when it comes to what type of driver you’ll get. The Tab put together the ones you are bound to run into.

The one desperate for 5 stars

This guy will probably call you as soon as he gets the request so he can confirm your location and let you know he’s on the way. He’ll probably have a profile picture that looks nearly professional. When he picks you up, he’ll offer drinks, gum, and all types of phone chargers and aux cords.

He’ll ask at least twice whether the air conditioning is okay and if you want the windows open. He’s the perfect driver, up until he inevitably reminds (or begs) you to rate him 5 stars before you get out of the car.

The back of this Uber had all types of phone chargers, an aux cord, and bottled water

The angry one/ The one who might kill you the process

He’ll grunt hello and leave you all to sit in silence and question your lives. He’ll drive way too fast, mumble at other drivers (rightfully so, considering the crazy Miami driving), and stop short at every light. He’ll probably cut someone off and get honked at a few times, so make sure you’ve got your seat belt on. He might give you a short nod goodbye after dropping you off. At least you’re saving time and money.

The one who speaks English

Most Uber drivers around here speak Spanish as a first language, so when you come across a guy from Pennsylvania without an accent, it’s surprising.

He’ll ask where the whole crew is from, and he’s probably been to each of the places you mention. You’ll get a nice, long pep talk about making the most of college and being successful. He’ll probably tell you about his family and how he ended up here. And you’ll almost always get to hear stories about life as an Uber driver; these are some of the best rides.

We sang Christmas carols the whole ride with our new Northerner friend

The creep

The creepy one usually doesn’t know he’s creepy. His profile picture is most likely a selfie taken with him looking down into the camera. He’ll start telling you weird stories about the people he’s driven and how they’ve made moves on him. He might even tell you about his experiences with being arrested or getting speeding tickets (yes, these have actually happened).

He’ll drive way slower than necessary because he’s so distracted by his own stories. Then he’ll tell you he’s actually a doctor with a wife and three kids and you’ll leave feeling confused about what just happened, but happy to have safely made it to your destination.

The one who doesn’t know where anything is in his own city

This guy will either a) drive in the wrong direction while trying to find you until you finally get a call from him in which he tells you to cancel, or b) make it to your location after you watch him turn the wrong way a couple times on the map.

If he makes it far enough to pick you up, he will likely stop relying on his faulty GPS and expect you to tell him where to go. Or maybe he’ll pretend to know where he’s going until you let him know he’s turning a mile too soon. He’s usually a nice guy, even if he is  challenged, so it all works out.

Their driver was previously arrested for fighting, but he said he has some pretty solid goals for the future…