DJ Khaled needs to be the 2016 commencement speaker
All in favor say, ‘Bless Up’
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury (or whoever reads petitions and makes them happen):
Close your eyes – that’s right actually close them. Nevermind, open them up again because it’s hard to read with your eyes closed. Metaphorically close your eyes, and think about the last time you were truly inspired to succeed.
The day you were handed your diploma and graduated high school? The day you bombed that Psych exam and promised yourself it was the last bad grade you’d get in that class? The last time you hugged your mother?
Wrong.
It was the last time you viewed DJ Khaled’s snapchat story. Khaled needs to be the commencement speaker for the Class of 2016, and here are the reasons why:
He is a Miami native
Khaled is a proud Miamian who is always reppin’ the 305. He wouldn’t even have to drive to the commencement ceremony. He could literally just take his jet ski, assuming he doesn’t get lost on his way here. (Check out Khaled gets lost at sea).
He has all the keys
To success, to his souped up truck, to your girlfriend’s apartment.
His speech would be filled with oh-so-clever product placement
During the middle of his address we can expect to hear: “All you graduates is successful. Now let’s celebrate success right with Ciroc Green Apple Vodka.” *insert thunderous applause here while Khaled raises his glass, servers pass trays of vodka down the aisle, and Sebastian takes a shot.*
Best swag bags EVER
Filled with cocoa butter (his favorite moisturizer), parfaits (his favorite snack) and a gift card to your local masseuse (massages once a week are a “major key”).
He’d spray all the graduates with a hose
Basically champagne showers, but even better (Check out Khaled Hose Inspiration).
Chef Dee would prepare the hors d’oeuvres for your graduation party
And if Dee can’t make the reception, Khaled will make sure the event is catered by his successful restaurant, “Miami Finga Licking.”
He would drop the hottest freestyle with President Frenk
It’s a little known fact that Khaled’s manager has been trying to get a recording sesh with Frenk ever since the success of his hit single, “99 Problems but being Prez ain’t one.”
He the Best/We the Best
If one thing is for certain, it’s that DJ Khaled is THE BEST music producer/motivational speaker/life coach/human being in the game. And you already know that the U is THE BEST school in the entire country. I don’t see any pairing more fitting.
If you also believe DJ Khaled should be the University of Miami’s commencement speaker for 2016, sign the petition here.