The definitive guide to surviving a ‘Netflix and Chill’

How to navigate this tough, tough terrain

Netflix and Chill can be a very stressful scenario. He texts you to watch Netflix, but where will it go from there? Do you dare put on cute underwear or is that too aggressive? So many unanswered questions that accompany such a vague text.

The hardest questions of all, however, must be what to watch – and if you actually want to hook up with this person. I have created a guide to figuring out what to watch depending on what you want to do.

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If you just want to hook up

Like the boy you’re are chilling with, these movies are all substance-free. So when you are hooking up with said boy there is enough background music to drone out the heavy breathing but it is not actually distracting.

Honestly any of these will do

Honestly any of these will do

American Pie: These movie is really fucking stupid. Also there are a couple of them so you have an excuse to text him again to watch the other ones if the chilling goes well.

The Interview: This movie is pretty funny and ridiculous but also you don’t have to really pay attention to it. Also James Franco is so hot that it will help you get in the mood.

Any ABC Family show: ABC Family TV shows are literally the worst. They are so stupid and unbelievable you are going to want – no, NEED – an excuse to stop watching.

If you actually like the boy but still want to hook up

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You can’t decide where this hook up is gonna go and you are into him enough so you want to impress him with your selection, but you still want to hook up.

Savages: I love this movie but it has just enough plot holes so when you come up for air you can still understand what is happening.

Lilo and Stitch: Another killer movie. This is a wholesome film to show him that you are a wholesome girl but it also has a KILLER soundtrack.

Any nature documentary: These help to show that you are a compassionate lover because if you care about the environment you will care for him too.  Also if you are ~God forbid~ high, the scenes and the music are usually wicked cool.

If you don’t have Netflix yourself, want to take advantage of the impeccable selection, but don’t actually want to hook up

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This fucking weirdo texts you all the time and usually you say no but sometimes you are really in the mood to watch a movie or show so you go and swerve the sexual advances

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas: This movie is so good and important I think everyone should see it.  Also who in their right mind would try and make a move while watching a movie about children of the Holocaust?!?

Pulp Fiction: This movie is so good that if you start watching it you will get so into it you will totally forget about hooking up. Also it is so confusing that if you look away for even a minute you will be pretty confused so it takes a lot of concentration.

House of Cards: This Netflix original is awesome and a must see. However this might require a sexual favor or two because you can’t risk him getting mad over blue balls before you finish it!

Good Luck and Have Fun!

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UMass Amherst