Forget the Cosby legend, the lobster feast is going ahead
Praise Poseidon
Every year around Halloween, students line up at each of the four prized UMass dining halls at approximately 5pm to obtain a ticket to the yearly Shellfish feast.
Based on your preference, your meal plan and ticket will either buy you a delicious, mouthwatering steak, or a succulent red lobster fresh from the pot, drowning in butter and complete with your very own UMass dining bib.
The cracking of shells and licking of lips will be heard from Smith to Hampshire.
It is a meal of mind-bending, awesome deliciousness.
And it has sparked one of the greatest legends in all of UMass history: that the feast is a personal gift from the now-disgraced comedian Bill Cosby.
Cosby is one of our most famous alums, but last November the university severed its ties after numerous rape allegations against the entertainer surfaced in 2014.
That’s despite his estimated thousands in donations over the years.
He received a doctorate from UMass Amherst in 1977, during his tenure on The Cosby Show and Fat Albert.
Despite an article that seemed to cast doubt on the myth in 2011, many students still believe that, as thousands of adequately-weighted lobster are no cheap snack, UMass obtains the funds for this meal as a donation from Cosby, to treat the students of his alma mater.
This is the first feast since ties with the comedian were severed, so we are about to find out.
After speaking to a few dining hall supervisors, all signs point to the continuation of the lobster banquet.
“We will still be serving steak and lobster,” one supervisor said, “but as for where we get the funds? Even I couldn’t really say.”
So, don your costumes and your bibs for another year, UMass. Because come all-hallows eve, the only critters that have to be scared are the crustaceans at the bottom of Boston Harbor.
While Cosby remains on trial for the five alleged defamation, sexual assault, and sexual battery charges, we can rest assured that one case has been resolved once and for all.
Court dismissed, bring in the dancing lobsters.