A guide to lying to your professors
Flat tires, sick grandmothers, dead computers, oh my
Maybe it’s pride. Maybe it’s the classic academic adrenaline rush. Maybe it’s pure desperation, but 60% of us lie once every 10 minutes according to a study done in 2002.
How much do you think that statistic goes up as we scrounge around in jammies and Hot Cheetos crumbs, reaching desperately for a thesis that relates Abraham Lincoln to the social media movement? The excuses may have changed since entering college, but the drama of the game has remained the same since we realized the importance of succeeding at school.
Hiding the catch-up game
It starts with a little lie about assignments and studying. Before long, it’s snowballing into current events, TED talks, guest speakers and entire extracurricular readings that never happened. The words of one UGA lad really capture what we are all thinking: “They have to know by now that no one actually stays up to date on readings.”
Wimping out over email
Sick pleas, funerals, weddings and dentist appointments alike ask for a small amount of commitment. The email excuse is not likely to be under much scrutiny and will probably be lost after it is first looked at.
The key to staying under the radar? Making sure there are no questions asked. “I never say anything so serious that it would need proof,” one student explained on the art of providing the perfect amount of detail.
Collective persuasion
Backtrack to my own high school English class. Sure, we had known a month ago our projects were due this week. Yes, we were all high achieving honors students. But still, procrastination had gotten the better of us.
We decided to take matters into our own hands and convince Coach Hanell that we all remembered him saying presentations would take place the following Friday. The lack of inquiry took all of us by surprise when he changed the deadline to the following week.
Throwing other teachers under the bus
We certainly know the concept of buttering up our superiors. It’s a method we have been polishing since elementary school, and what better way than to point out the ways this class is better than that other class over there? “If you know a professor well, then exaggerating other professors’ bad attitudes or class work could put you in their good graces.”
Taking advantage of teachers’ basic humanity
“One time I sent in a blank paper as my final copy pretending I had made a technology error. The teacher let me turn the paper in the following Monday due to the mistake,” an anonymous UGA student let us in on how she got an extra weekend to finish a paper.
As a last resort, some of us may be led to do things our mothers would not be proud of. Flat tires, sick grandmothers and dead computers alike create an ultimate bluff that only heartless teachers will call you on.
From extreme methods to simple puffery, we all have our ways. Some of us commit more than others, but there’s no denying we all have our level of untruth with teachers.