Give me 10 more minutes: A confession, apology, and explanation from the chronically late

I’m that friend who will make dinner plans with you for 6pm, text you at 5:30 and ask for an extension to 6:30, and then won’t show up until 7. I’ll come barreling through the door with my hair wet (because I just jumped out of the shower), my eyeliner skewed (because I still wanted to put on makeup but didn’t care enough to make sure it’s perfect), and my phone fumbling in my hand (because I was sending you multiple “Be right there!” texts). I know I’m awful, I know your time is precious, but for some reason, this is the pattern that has become my life.

When I was younger, and I had to depend on my parents for transportation, my mom would set the clock 15 minutes early and we would pretend like that was the actual time. She made sure I arrived at school, every event, and every meeting at least half an hour early. “What if there’s traffic?” “What if the car breaks down?” “What if a zombie apocalypse breaks out and clogs the crosswalk?”

I’m the complete opposite. And yesterday, when I was rushing to catch a movie and shoved food down my throat so fast that I started to choke, I realized that this article needed to be written – not only for me, but for all the past and potential victims of my lateness.

A Confession

Hi, my name is Lisa, and I am chronically late. I will always ask for more time. My hair will never be done. There is never enough time to get ready. The stoplights are never in my favor (but it’s still my fault).

An Apology

I say “I’m so sorry I’m late!” a LOT. I think last week I said it 10 times. (Note: There are only 7 days in a week.) However, I feel that none of those rushed sentiments have been sufficient in relaying my actual regret and appreciation of your tolerance. I’m sorry that you had to wait so long for me; I’m sorry that you probably had to sit there, pretending to text someone but really re-watching snap stories to look occupied while I was gone; I’m sorry if we only have x amount of time to do ________ now because I got there x minutes late; I’m sorry I made a commitment and subsequently went back on it one or multiple times. It doesn’t mean that you are less important to me than other things in my life, it just means… well, I’ll explain in the next section.

An Explanation

Last year, the Wall Street Journal published an article explaining why people who are always late are, well, always late. They cite a psychological study into the matter of lateness, which found that one of the biggest factors in tardiness is the tendency to misjudge how long it takes to complete certain tasks.

“That’s a little-known concept called the planning fallacy, which is a strong tendency to chronically underestimate task completion. The planning fallacy is one of the most difficult behavioral patterns to change, experts say.”

When planning out my schedule for the day, I tend to exclude realism from my thought process. This means that while it typically takes me an hour to finish a chapter, I assume that I can magically get it done in 30 minutes. And instead of assuming that my shower will take 30 minutes, as it usually does, I assume that if I “just hurry” it will take 10. Hence, my second “Actually, can we meet at…” text of the day.

Sometimes, I forget to factor in things like time to get ready, time to get dressed/deciding what to wear, and time to actually get there. The latter is also why I’m a strong advocate for the invention of the teleportation machine. It’s not that I forgot what time the meeting was supposed to be, it’s that I constantly believe I can develop superhuman abilities the day of and as of yet, that has failed me.

According to Diana DeLonzor, author of Never Be Late Again, which offers tips on increasing punctuality, and a former perpetrator of lateness who has since conducted multiple studies on the subject, tardiness manifests itself in many types of persons. These types range from people who overbook their day to people who can’t get to their destination without being distracted, and from people who enjoy the thrill of making a deadline at the last minute (hello, fellow procrastinators!), to people who like making others wait on them because it makes them feel special.

While I can’t say that all of these reasons apply to me and my lateness, (I can assure you that the last one doesn’t), I hope it helps to illuminate my though-process and the actions that lead up to me arriving thirty minutes late with wet hair, crooked eye makeup, phone in hand, and apologetic look on my face.

But like every flaw, I will work on it. I’ll try not to keep pushing back the time. I’ll try to allot enough time to get ready. And I’ll try to make my last apology my actual last.

In the meantime, can you wait like five more minutes? Still deciding which dress to wear.