Your college bathroom vs your one at home

College bathrooms can be some of the scariest, wettest, smelliest, and stickiest places in the world, but what truly makes them immeasurably grosser than our bathrooms at home? From the creepiest bathroom on campus to frat bathrooms, I explore the indubitable difference between clean and college.

Fraternities LOVE to keep their toilets tidy

To pee all over the seat, or not to pee all over the seat, that is the question.

Everyday I seem to walk into a school bathroom to find my feet sticking to the layer of urine that coats the floor. Yet, whenever I’m home neither my bathrooms, nor my friends’ bathrooms present the same issue. So what exactly causes college students to decide not to lift the seat, to turn off their heat seeking pee aim, not clean their pee of the seat (or the ground), and eventually turn college bathrooms into horror shows.

I mean why else do you think we have to layer the seats in toilet paper and wear flip-flops whenever we enter the bathroom, never mind the intimidating showers. If I took a poll I’m sure 10/10 people do not layer their toilet seat at home to sit down, and I’m sure they don’t feel the need to have a pair of shower flip flops for home.

The commonly used pad and pretend it’s not there technique

The filth and fear is undeniable, with no one daring to step a bare foot onto any surface of a campus bathroom. But the existence of this problem is not on trial here, the true question behind all of this is why? Why do people wreck bathrooms including the dorm ones in which they spend the majority of their bathroom hours?

I have a few ideas that may push us closer towards solving this peedicament. From a young age, the men of the house have the mantra, “Lift the seat up or_____ (fill in scary consequence here)” ingrained into our heads from our mothers and other women of the house. But alas, the message is lost when Mom is no longer able to score your percentage of pee that actually made it into the toilet.

Come on look at how beautiful that John is

Thus, the reverse game seems to take effect in where it’s 2 point for every drop that hits anything but the toilet and water (the wall apparently being a 3 pointer). Some of the bathrooms are almost impressive just as the person who scores a 0 on their SATs, but then suddenly you find yourself glued to the floor as if you stepped it a pile of freshly spit out gum, only to stick to the floor wherever you walk for the rest of the day.

Like why do the bathrooms look like a dungeon?!

However, maybe the reason we let ourselves go in college is because we don’t have our mothers yelling at us to clean it up. Should you urinate with reckless abandon at home, you’re more than likely going to clean it up after your moment of rebellion is over. When you’re on campus the countless pee puddles, stains, and drops that are so customary to college bathrooms are seen EVERYWHERE.

Take frat bathrooms, possibly the most cringe-worthy places in the world. Beer cans, tampons, toilet paper, toiletries, and pee, pee everywhere. If you’ve never been to a frat party, bare with me and you’ll understand by looking at the pictures. People treat these bathrooms like every inch of the place is on fire and their pee is the only thing that can put it out.

Is this really necessary?

Why does this happen? Because at the end of the day you know the pledges end up cleaning the bathrooms, not you and your D-league peeing performance.

But to be fair, the variable of alcohol makes these findings far from definitive. While these both offer reasonable excuses for the lack of accuracy in the chamber of peecrets, perhaps the answer comes down to the general high tempo pace of college. It may just be that everyone is in such a rush, and so stressed with what they are going to do next, that they simply forget their potty training.

An exam in 20 minutes with a 19 minute walk ahead of you, and you’re just running into the bathroom? I’d bet 10 times out of 10 this situation results in pee all over the un-lifted seat and floor. An understandable reasoning perhaps, but one easily solved with better time management.

Oh how I miss these clean chambers

At the end of the day the only answer to this mystery is that the world may never know. But until the definite answer is found, layer that toilet seat in good ole’ college one ply and try not to get stuck.