What to do at UConn if you’re single on Valentine’s Day
Please don’t put a ring on it
Being single at UConn is one of the most rewarding experiences a student can have. Maximize your profits by taking in all that campus has to offer during the sappiest holiday of the year.
Go on a date with Homer Babbidge
What better time to foster your relationship with Homer Babbidge Library than now? Homer’s doors are always open, you don’t even have to actually plan the date. While Homer might not buy you flowers or chocolate and certainly won’t leave a trail of rose petals leading to your bed, he’s the best kind of Valentines Day companion. In fact, he’s your only Valentine’s Day companion, so feel free to cry about that. Homer B is a true gentleman though; he offers you so many places to sit and do your work all day that you won’t even think about the boyfriend that you don’t have that you won’t be doing tonight.
Go to Valentine’s Day nickel at Huskies
Starting at 8pm, Huskies will facilitate its annual gathering of single students ready to suck down some 25 cent vodka sodas. This seems exceedingly more fun to me than tending to every romantic whim of some kind of significant other. Who needs Hallmark cards and teddy bears when you have a solid group of four people to chug with and $3 to get in at the door? A steady flow of cheap alcohol will probably help the guys look hotter and maybe you’ll find yourself a Valentine’s Day companion after all.
The single way to Netflix and chill is to actually Netflix and chill. Crawl up in bed (with snacks) and take advantage of watching whatever you want since you have nobody to argue with about what to watch. Don’t forget to connect yourself to UConn’s terrible wifi which is the only thing on this campus less reliable than dating a fuckboy.
True Huskies love their wings. Definitely go with boneless, because that’s how your night is going to end: no boning.
Scoff at the sappiness of couples on campus
There is nothing worse than watching students on this campus express their love for each other by going on a “date” in a dining hall or in the student union. Today is special in the sense that you can look down upon all those romantically involved with each other and remind yourself that you have not fallen victim to the scam that is a committed relationship in college. Feel free to actually yell at any annoying couples you see making their way through campus.
Drink a lot of wine
What’s more romantic than spending time with what you truly love? My favorite part of my relationship with wine is when he opens up to me. The sound of the cork leaving the bottle instantly rejuvenates the chemistry between us, its almost electric. The more wine you drink, the more happy you’ll be to be single. Or just get drunk enough to hit up that cute guy you haven’t hooked up with in a while.
Buy all the candy on sale the day after Valentine’s Day
This is prime time to stock up on stuff to stress eat during midterms.
Remember that being single is the best thing ever
Being single on Valentines Day may seem a tad depressing at first. Maybe you’ve been looking to date, but haven’t found someone. Maybe the person you’ve been hooking up with was serious when they said no strings attached. If you’re sad about being single, don’t be. Embrace the fact that you can do whatever the fuck you want because you’re single AF.