What Berkeley majors would be called based on what they actually do

Are you studying compost advocacy, self-diagnosing, or crying?

If only you had an actual, realistic description of what being a engineering or MCB or whatever major is like. Then we could probably avoid this whole “switching majors because you actually hate the one you’re in” thing.

Use this as your guide to what majors actually do.

Compost advocacy

It’s a guarantee that if you spend at least ten minutes with an environmental science or CNR major, they will urge you to compost your food waste and recycle your cans and bottles. You betcha they’ve got their own mini compost in their apartment.

“Aren’t you going to compost that?”

Having an existential crisis

English majors can pull a thousand different meanings from a single text. But when you get so many life lessons from a single line of poetry, it’s hard to know what to think.

Not to mention that they read an inordinate amount in just one week – imagine how much life questioning goes on. Nothing quite like Gertrude Stein to really make you wonder what the hell is going on.

Functioning on no sleep

MCB majors never seem to get any sleep, with all the pre-med shenanigans they get up to.

When you ask why they are so sleep deprived, their answer is either “Chem”, “I’m pre-med”, or “I’m in seven clubs”.

Germophobia

Public health majors take all those classes that reveal how unsanitary everything is. All it takes is one course in infectious disease or city planning to make a public health major fear and want to Clorox literally everything around them.

Self-diagnosing

Psychology and cog-sci majors get to hear about how the brain works- which is pretty cool. Except for the fact that they learn the names for all these mental phenomena and find themselves in every symptom.

“Holy crap, I am a narcissist”.

Bonus points if they also diagnose their friends, too.

Staring at a wall

Philosophy papers require insane amounts of argument construction. That’s why when a philosophy major is “studying”, they’re literally just staring blankly ahead as they work through the argument in their head.

Turning everything into an argument

This is you, political science majors. And you arguing with this is just proving it to be true.

Crying

If you didn’t cry after your CS 70 or 61 final, you’re actually a robot just like everyone thinks EECS majors are.

You are the go-to source on where to go to cry on campus, how to hold back tears when you’re in a study group, and how to distract people from asking if you’re okay.

You do it all for the cushy job you’ll have in Silicon Valley or start-up when you graduate, so it’s all good.

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