What it’s like to be a student parent at UC Berkeley

I almost didn’t graduate from high school on time. Needless to say, it was a long road to Berkeley.

Was it the troubles at home? The learning disability that went undiagnosed until I was nearly 16-years-old? Perhaps, I just had low expectations in myself, or, better yet, simply didn’t care. Regardless of the cause, I never fully believed I was capable of going to college. As someone who couldn’t focus on homework for more than five minutes at a time, or would rather be out with friends, it just didn’t seem like a possibility. Instead, I worked with what I had.

The local trade school affiliated with my high school offered a cosmetology program, so I jumped at the opportunity to spend every morning my senior year in beauty school. That year, I received As in the program, while stopping to check in with my teachers at the end of each semester to make sure each D grade was high enough to get my diploma. I’d more or less given up on high school—not that it mattered. I had everything figured out! Until I didn’t.

Future Golden Bears

For as much as I loved doing hair, I hated being a hairstylist. It took me years to figure this out, because I loved several aspects of the job: the creativity and immensely loved seeing each transformation. What I didn’t love was feeling more like a salesperson than an artist. Or dealing with the disastrous ripple effect when one person ran late. Or acting as an unqualified therapist—I’m still traumatized from some of the stories I’ve heard over the years! That line of work simply didn’t fit my personality, and I left each day feeling exhausted and cranky. When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first son, I was relieved. It gave me an out! I was going to be a stay-at-home mom, and everything was finally going to be perfect. Right?

Never in my life could I have missed doing hair more than in the first year following his birth. My husband, who was in the Navy at the time, was transferred all the way across the country, from Washington State to Upstate New York. Other than one quick airport layover in the city, I had never been to New York, and scarcely knew a soul. While he worked a demanding rotating shiftwork schedule, I was left alone to navigate this motherhood thing with no family, no friends, and most importantly—no car. No way to seek out new connections, or even break the monotony of my day with a latte.

It was the most deeply isolated experience of my life. But, we made the best of it. I made some friends and learned to enjoy and appreciate my new community. We hired a sitter for the occasional costume party, joined a CSA, and even had another baby! Still, the thing that got me through the most was counting down the days until my husband was out of the military and we could move back West. However, it came as a surprise when his best job offer wasn’t in Washington, but California.

Costume party or everyday attire?

I had never even heard of Livermore before we moved here, but was instantly charmed by the warm November weather and the palm trees. Or that might have just been my newfound freedom, as we picked up a second car on the way. While we enjoyed our new life here, exploring the nearby cities and mountains and beaches (all within an hour!), I found myself still counting the days. This time, until I qualified for in-state tuition and could enroll in community college for the first time in my life.

It was terrifying.

After all, I was a decade out of high school. Indeed, my reunion was only three months earlier. Could I still remember everything I needed in order to succeed in my classes? Would we be wasting a bunch of money, only for me to fall back into my old habits and fail? Did I even have time to find out with a two-year-old and a four-year-old demanding my constant attention? Terrifying might have been an understatement. But I did it anyway.

At 28-years-old, I enrolled as a first time college student at Las Positas College and had one of the best experiences in my life.

Las Positas College Commencement, 2015

My community college experience was a drastically different from anything I had ever experienced. Unlike in high school, it was full of people who were there voluntarily, eager to learn—including, for once, myself. I took a number of classes I never expected to enjoy, including Shakespeare and geology.

I joined the Alpha Gamma Sigma Honor Society, where I made a number of new friends, and was inspired to spend more time volunteering. And, most surprisingly, found myself consistently achieving GPAs that I had no idea I was capable of. When it came time to transfer, I found myself accepted at every single school I had applied to, including my dream school. I was going to Berkeley.

#CalTransfers #TransferAndProud

My time at Berkeley has been as amazing as expected. For such a large school, it has such a strong sense of community. Like community college, I have classes with many of the same people within my majors and we all support each other in different ways. Additionally, Berkeley’s Re-Entry and Transfer Students Association (RTSA) has offered countless opportunities to connect with students in similar situations, including during this week’s first ever Transfer Pride Week.

Just a little over a decade ago, I almost didn’t get to walk across the stage at my high school graduation. Now, I’m finishing up my second semester at Berkeley, and can hardly believe how far I’ve come. I don’t know what my plans are after I finish, but I’m happy living in the moment. I’m not longer holding myself back out of fear, or counting the days until the experience is over and I can finally start my life.

It’s already started.