I tried to rest at a Berkeley REST zone and it didn’t work

While studying and Snapchatting in the North Reading Room one fine afternoon, I swiped past a new geotag: “Nap spaces now available on campus!” it said. “REST: Relaxation Enhancing Study & Tranquility Zones.”

I was dumbfounded. Finally, a place to fall asleep other than Morrison Library!

Unfortunately, our underfunded AirBears2 WiFi network stopped working mid-Snapchat. I was forced use my cellular data again, prompting heated texts from both of my parents.

I don’t think that’s how it works, Dad

I woke up bright and early the next day so I could come to campus for a nap. I wandered up to the Campanile Esplanade, as per the instructions of an online map, but nothing seemed particularly different about its nap potential. I bowed my head in shame and departed, wondering if a nap was even worth the stress.

After pulling out my laptop and looking closer at the map, I realized that the eleven “sleeping” emojis simply marked spaces “conducive to relaxation.” The official REST Zones are actually scattered to the four winds, located at the Bechtel Engineering Library, the Tang Center Massage Chairs, Wurster Library, Eshleman Basement, and the Tolman Tech Lounge. How silly of me.

I decided to double back in the direction of our $321 million renovated Memorial Stadium to get to Wurster. On my way, I passed a protest attempting to save our world-renowned Public Health major and College of Chemistry from dissolution due to budget restrictions.

At Wurster Library, I encountered four death traps in the corner marked “REST Zone.” Slick, violently wobbly white chairs with spherical bottoms, they have concave seats that are much too small for my 5’10” frame and probably gave me Scoliosis. I plummeted to the ground several times while attempting to find a comfortable sleeping position, although I will acknowledge that  the nap vessel did grant some pleasurable swiveling action.

My valiant attempts at napping in these chairs were unsuccessful, so I decided to try out another REST zone in the Eshleman basement. After wandering aimlessly through some labyrinthine hallways and getting a few eyebrow raises when I passed the multicultural center three times, I encountered a large, mostly empty room with two sleeping pods in the corner.

Sure, they had the dejected air of unwanted furniture left on the side of the road, but I was thrilled to see that they had unlimited leg space. I was slightly put off by the fact that somebody was taking a nap on the floor across the room, but decided to try them out anyway.

A real live Berkeley student napping on the floor, just feet away from some beautiful shiny new nap pods

I had a lovely time experimenting with the controllers on the arm rest to position the chair, but according to a laminated sign on the wall I was only allowed to rest for a maximum of twenty minutes so I got down to business and tried to fall asleep. During my light slumber I had a vivid dream of all the things I could do with $92,000. I jotted down some notes:

The project was funded $104,000, with $92,000 going to ASUC and $12,000 going to UHS

After twenty minutes of anxiety-ridden, university-mandated relaxation, I eventually gave up and trudged back across campus to Morrison Library, the OG Berkeley nap site.

As I sprawled on my favorite couch and fell into a deep slumber, order was finally restored in the perplexing world of campus napping.

Clarification: according to Mellissa Hsu, Academic Affairs Vice President: “$92K was awarded to the ASUC as a grant for the project, but only 1/3 of the $92,000 has been spent so far”.