Can you look in a mirror and honestly say you’re happy?

I mean, it’s a simple enough question. I look around and see people wearing big grins around campus as they walk with their friends to class. I see eager high school students–all filled with glee and wonder–as they take a passing glance at what they believe is my daily life. I put on a big happy grin as I pass them by.

Sure, I have my share of friends around campus who care about me and support me, but the question still remains: Am I happy?

I was super excited when I first arrived at Tulane just like most of the incoming freshmen class, but the atmosphere when I began to settle in was actually much different then I ever expected

When I first arrived at Tulane, I probably was more excited than anyone else. People flashed me smiling grins as I met new faces from all around the country–and by all around the country I mean mainly from New York, Los Angeles, and Louisiana.

Soon after I got here I began to realize some of the friends I made didn’t exactly like the atmosphere here. I learned many people who I met and at first sight thought I knew, had much deeper problems than I had ever anticipated. I started to realize– to a degree– everyone I met had some degree of problems I didn’t know about. It never dawned on me in high school how much people struggled inside their own heads. And maybe it was the struggle of college and having less time spent in a high school incubator and more time to think about yourself that spawned all these hidden feelings.

Later on in the school year I got Yik Yak. If you’ve ever been on Yik Yak at Tulane, I’m sure you know exactly what I saw. Tons of posts about how people hated being here, had no friends, felt depressed, or were even contemplating taking their own life.

How are you supposed to react when the whole community you live in is in such a torn up state?

A recent post on Yik Yak post

Then the inevitable questions came to me: If everyone is feeling this way, why aren’t I? Why aren’t I fucked up like everyone else? Or am I just so oblivious to my own mental state that I can’t even see what’s wrong with me?

Low and behold, eventually I found my insecurities. There were terrible people in my life who pointed out these insecurities and made me see them. I had to cut these people out of my life to heal from the damage they caused to me. I had to be with people who were going to build me up instead of tearing me down.

What’s sad about Tulane is we live in a community of fucked up people too afraid to tell each other how they are truly feeling. That fact alone terrifies me. When this happens, we have a cluster of students committing suicide or inflicting self-harm onto themselves as they attempt to deal with the pain. We have a whole community of people too afraid to talk to each other that we will go to the dining hall and sit at tables alone rather than attempt to make a new friend or find something new. I’ll often imagine the reason behind all of this is people are dealing with a lot in their lives and are trying to figure it all out. In reality many of us are just staring at the wall feeling worse about ourselves and our friends or lack of them.

In my eyes, it seems we live in an unhappy community of people where we constantly drink depressants multiple times per week, struggle with school work, fail to interact with each other, and then hook up with each other and avoid ever speaking again.

Our community isn’t healthy. Our community is hurting.

While we deal with the after effects with counseling centers and case management services it doesn’t change the present state of our community. It only perpetuates. Obviously we need these services, I’m not saying we don’t. We as the students need to make an effort to help each other by helping ourselves. Make the effort and attempt to introduce yourself to someone new today. Look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself how beautiful you are and how far you’ve come in your life. Instead of sitting alone, ask if you can join another student who is sitting by themselves already.

Let’s break away from the cycle we’re on and change our community for the better. The next time we ask ourselves if we’re happy, we can honestly say yes without any hesitation.