Things I’m tired of hearing after being adopted from China

When I was just six months old, I was adopted into a loving family in the United States. My mom decided to adopt as a single mother and as a result, we have always been close. Whenever my mom would cook in the kitchen, I would be always be right there next to her at the art easel we set up next to the fridge.

I’m thankful everyday for my birthparents’ decision to put me up for adoption. I can’t imagine my life without the opportunities and continued support I’ve received from the family that adopted me. However, not everything about being made in China is perfect.

The assumption that my first language is Mandarin

My face to the woman

Last week I was in line ordering a coffee when a woman behind me commented on the way I spoke English. She seemed surprised, saying, “Wow, your English is really good. You can hardly tell that you had an accent.”

During these situations, I’m never sure how to respond. I always end up mumbling, “Thanks, I practiced a lot before coming to America.”

Whenever I get those comments, I usually say something along those lines. It’s frustrating that strangers never think that adoption is an option, or that no one who looks like me could have grown up in the US. The default assumption is always that I am bilingual and live with Chinese parents who haven’t learned English yet themselves.

Many times people assume I can speak Mandarin. They just begin to speak to me in Mandarin, but the confused look on my face says it all. I usually hope the person who assumes I am fluent in Mandarin realizes I have no idea what’s going on.

The phrase “your real mom”

I have always been open about my adoption to others because I’m very grateful to be a part of my family. People usually question me about my past and the phrase ‘your real mom’ comes up in reference to my birth mom when I’m asked about her.

I’m tired of hearing this because my birth mom will never be my ‘real’ mom. My ‘real’ mom is the one who has raised me for the past nineteen years.

Genetically, my birth mom wins, but family runs deeper than blood.

Every single Asian joke, over and over

Just another classic example of an unoriginal joke

I grew up in a small suburban town and was the only student of Asian decent in my graduating class.

So, basically, I’ve heard every Asian joke ever thought up. Even at Temple, I respond to the names Lo Mein and Ching Chong without thinking twice. I’m not offended by them and even crack a few myself, but there are times when the jokes begin to get old.

The question I can’t answer – why didn’t my birth parents want me?

I will never know why my birth parents didn’t decide to keep me, but I wouldn’t want my life to change from what it is now.

When I was born, China still had one child policy. This could have played a role in their decision to put me in adoption or they could could have wanted a boy or already had a child. It could also range anywhere from my birthparents not being able to afford raising a child to my birthparents simply not wanting me.

No matter what reasoning they had behind putting me up for adoption, they gave my mom the chance to be a parent and I was able to have a better life.

Who knows? It will always be a mystery, and I’m okay with that. Despite these things that I’m tired of hearing, being adopted was the best thing that has happened to me.