How to nail a girls’ night out in Philadelphia

So, you and your friends finally have a chance to do a real GNO. Like so many GNOs before, it will probably start with a “miss you sluts” text in the group chat. Everybody will passive-aggressively argue about what it is you’ll do and when you’ll meet up, but eventually you’ll land on the simplest and cheapest way to get fucked up in some new scenery.

What to wear

To ensure your valuables aren’t stolen and you don’t snap your ankle, you’re going to want to ditch the handbag and pick your shoes wisely. Wear a suspended clutch or a small bag you can wrap around your shoulders, that way you don’t have to worry about losing all the shit in your purse when you lose your shit after your fifth half-priced vodka tonic.

If you’re going out as early as 5pm for happy hour, that means you’re going to be wearing the same shoes until you stumble home at 2 or 3am. Don’t lie to yourself about how well you can walk in pumps. Pick something simpler.

As for your outfit, if you’re headed to Manayunk or South Street, you can just wear jeans and a cute shirt. Fishtown has been invaded by hipsters so dress accordingly. Rittenhouse and Northern Liberties are more upscale, and the Gayborhood is trendy. We’re by the water, so even if it’s hot during the day it might be frigid at night, and if it’s cold during the day you’re basically fucked. Try not to leave your coat on the back of your seat.

Truthfully though, wear whatever the fuck you want. Nobody is expecting anything from you. It’s Philly. You’re still going to get hit on if you’re in an Eagles hoodie covered with cheesesteak stains (whether you like it or not). I’ve seen it happen. Philadelphians are animals.

What jawns to bring

If you’re not broke, congratulations! But as Sally Mae and textbooks would have it, the rest of us youngins are basically living paycheck to paycheck. I’m almost positive that’s how happy hour got its name. It allows you to temporarily forget your crippling debt so you can afford to get smashed with your girls. Hopefully you choose to do it in some place a little less humid and crowded than a lax house, even if only for an hour or two. If need be, you can always sneak a “wooder” bottle of your own vodka to avoid pillaging your savings account.

Bring enough cash for tips. It’s customary to give a $1 each drink that’s under $10. If the bartender’s hot and you think you can afford it, splurge and give them that extra quarter you’ve been saving. Maybe it’ll pay off.

Establish a DD

It’s probably cheapest to take the subway to Center City or South Street at the beginning of the night, but your safest bet after 11pm is Uber or Lyft. Both apps do promotions for free or discounted first rides, so make a new account and you won’t have to worry about splitting the cost.

Posting your GNO

Obviously the group photos began in front of a tapestry in your friend’s apartment, or with a shoddy landscape Snapchat in the back of an Uber, but you’re going to need at least 50 more or nobody is going to believe you actually went out. It’s no secret that the streets of Philly can sometimes be mistaken for an overrun landfill, but much like the art of selfie-taking, a different angle can be truly transformative. Most places in Center City do all the work for you. The SkyGarten, LOVE Park, Magic Gardens, or a concrete island on Broad Street with City Hall as the perfect backdrop all are within walking distance of bars, clubs and restaurants.

When to GNO

Almost every place that offers happy hour in Center City runs it during weekdays. Wednesdays and Thursdays are usually accompanied by the best promotions or themed nights. If you can afford showing up to your Friday classes still drunk from the night before, then Thirsty Thursday is when you’ll find karaoke or live music and DJs.

Happy hour is how adults say ‘pregame’

The Sampan Graffiti Bar on 13^th Street has a three-hour happy hour special every day of the week. From 4 to 7pm you can get a specialty drink, sake, featured beer or glass of wine for just $4. They also serve some bomb Pan-Asian food and for two bucks you can get a small plate.

Within walking distance is The Cambridge, the move for beer drinkers. Its booze list is lengthy and impressive, and the most expensive meal on the menu is only $19 (though most are under $13). From 4 to 6pm it has half-priced pints Monday through Friday.

Right across the street you’ll find Bob and Barbara’s Lounge. Every Thursday they host a drag show from 10pm to 1am. Entry is $7 and it includes your first drink.

1 Tippling Place has a happy hour from 5 to 7pm on Chestnut St. It’s furnished with colorful mismatched sofas, wing-chairs and cocktail tables. It’s easy on the Instagram filter and has an impressive cocktail list. The drinks are both delicious and strong, but it only has seven appetizers to choose from – one of them is literally just a bowl of heated nuts – and none of them beat Applebee’s half-price apps. Its layout is worth the drop-in though, and because it’s near Rittenhouse you have endless bar and restaurant options.

If you’re looking to go out, drink wine and talk shit with your girls, but want to avoid the bar scene, we know just the loophole. Painting with a Twist is an art studio located on Locust St. that hosts B.Y.O.B. painting instruction at $35 for two hours and $45 for three (there’s also a Passyunk Ave location that’s a short walk from South Street).

If you feel like avoiding guys so you can have some real girlfriend bonding, K-Top and Yakitori Boy are two hot spots in Chinatown for karaoke. Both provide private karaoke so you don’t have to nervously laugh in front of a room of strangers like a total idiot.

Wherever you choose, stick with it. It’s a waste of precious drinking money to keep hopping in Ubers. Philly might be the rudest city in the country, but from five to seven you’re going to find happiness all throughout Gayborhood, Manayunk, Rittenhouse, Northern Liberties, University City, Chinatown and South Street.

Just don’t bring up the Cowboys or Bill Cosby.