We are not our social media

When used properly, social media provides an amazing platform to share experiences, memories, stories and ideas. I do however, believe that many people struggle with unintentionally attaching their self-worth to the feedback they receive on these social media sites. I know I’m definitely guilty of this. Before I go any further, I want anyone reading this to understand that I love social media. But in a society that is so focused on likes, shares and retweets, it’s hard to avoid being thrust into a world of unfair comparison.

The other day, my friend and I took a picture at a party so that I would have something to post on Instagram the following day. I couldn’t post it the night that it was taken because it was already midnight. If I posted the picture then, I knew I’d barely get any likes. So of course, the next day I edited some little imperfections out of the picture and tried out every filter to see which one complemented the picture the best. I proceeded to post it at around 6pm because it wasn’t too early or too late in the day. For whatever reason, it didn’t get as many likes as some of my other ones, which actually bothered me.

I’ve become so engrossed in this game of getting as much approval as possible that I had actually managed to upset myself. And this wasn’t the first time either. I’ve deleted tweets because they failed to get as much attention as I hoped they would get. I’ve compared my posts to other people’s posts and wondered why mine didn’t get as many likes as their’s did. I’ve wondered if it was because I looked bad, or if it was because people didn’t like me as much.

I had to take a step back. Why did I need a strategy for when I wanted to post things on social media? Why did I need to edit my pictures, so that they’d look as good as possible before anyone saw them? This unhealthy relationship with social media was both deceiving and detrimental, and I’m glad that I realized that.

Obviously I’m not going to sit here and preach that you shouldn’t care what people think. It’s human nature to appreciate the opinions of other people. However, above all, you should value your own opinion. If you post a picture or a tweet, it’s because you like it for a reason that is completely your own. It may have sentimental value or you may have another reason for enjoying it, but whatever that reason is, it is valid.

A picture cannot convey all the qualities of the moment that it captures. It doesn’t express what you were thinking at the time it was taken. It doesn’t explain to your followers why that night or day was special to you. Really, it doesn’t say much about what kind of person you are.

I’ve learned that it’s important to appreciate what we see on these websites, but it’s also important to understand what we’re seeing. We post our best moments without any indication of hardships or low-points. We market ourselves and create online personas that are supposed to represent who we are.

That’s a large and unrealistic expectation for an app. When we put that kind of weight on social media, it takes away from what its true intention is. Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and Facebook are supposed to be fun. It’s cool to see what’s going on in other people’s lives. It’s not supposed to be a sole pursuit for approval.

It’s impossible to get every single person’s approval. Life doesn’t work like that.

You are not defined by the amount of likes, retweets or favorites you receive on social media. You are not defined by the amount of followers or friends you have on these websites, especially, the people who unfollow you because let’s be honest, everyone gets unfollowed at some point. You are not defined by a virtual portrayal of your reality. Only you can define who are.