How coming to college taught me to deal with my anxiety

As a self-conscious teenage girl who felt like she wasn’t good enough, and being constantly stressed out from family issues at home, I have not only learned how to cope with anxiety but also to conquer it.

My experience with anxiety started in middle school.

I would get really sick and leave school at least three times a week early or go in late because of a panic attack. The anxiety caused my stomach to feel funky, and thought it was what the doctors believed was GERD (acid reflux).

I had numerous tests done, to one day have a doctor ask if I’m ever “anxious” and asked the question “Do you have anxiety?”

Little did this doctor know, he probably saved my life.

I mean we all have heard of it, we all have felt “anxious,” but do we really know what it is?

My anxiety tripled by the time I got to my junior and senior year of high school. I was now leaving early or going to the nurse’s office every day. When I would have the urge to vomit while in class I told my friends it was because of my stomach problems.

Then I started to develop social anxiety.

In these panic attack epidemics, I would often be sitting in a room full of people as simple as just listening to a lecture and it would start. I would get sweaty palms, the room would start spinning and my face would burn up.

I would feel like throwing up everywhere and then I would run to the bathroom.

Of course no one knew what was going on. I tried to keep it on the low. I tried to hide it. I thought I was different, weird, like there was something wrong with me.

I spent countless hours on the internet, searching for an answer. I would think to myself “Am I the only one?”

Well, I later found out I wasn’t.

I had two best friends in high school, which I concealed the issue of my anxiety to as well, because I really thought I would feel sick to my stomach. They would constantly ask me what was wrong and why I wasn’t eating lunch.

My current best friend now asked me if I was anorexic. And I loved food, so this bothered me.

That’s when I decided to open up and talk to people. I discovered my best friends both suffered from mental disorders too and actually took medicine and saw phycologists about it.

My senior year of high school, upon graduation, I decided to see someone.

The constant fear of going away from home and college really influenced my decision. A decision which should have been made a long time ago. I went online, and made an appointment to see a psychologist and a doctor.

I saw my doctor and he prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety pill. At first, I noticed no difference, I still was getting panic attacks and rushing to the bathroom during lunch and parties.

Yes, I was known as that party girl who loved to drink… That didn’t help much.

So I went back to the doctor and was prescribed a higher dosage.

Note – if you’re taking an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medicine, see a psychologist, and see them a couple times a week. Why? Because without talking to someone and “letting it all out” you won’t get better.

The August of 2014 was first my time away from my parents in a college dorm at Temple. I was still on antidepressants but stopped therapy sessions because they were back in my hometown.

I was the typical freshmen, partied a lot, dated a lot, and dealt with quite a few dbags let’s just say.

I attended mostly all my classes and did pretty well. My anxiety was getting so much better, I was a lot happier and made so many new friends. I sat in the back of every lecture thinking that it was the easiest way out if my social anxiety got to me.

Then, it set in.

The most common side effect of someone who is taking anxiety medicine to calm them down, depression.

My depression spiraled out from getting hurt and betrayed by friends. I kept feeling a sense of loneliness and would think “Would anyone even care if I was here or not?”

I knew something was wrong after several of those thoughts. I would cry myself to sleep, and have endless sleepless nights just sitting in my bed watching Netflix.

When I went to our schools consoling office and told them everything I got the response, “Well we don’t have anything available for another three months.” I told them I couldn’t wait that long and tried to look elsewhere but everything conflicted with my schedule. Then I gave up.

Believing there was no way out I met my future roommate. She is an awesome girl here at school who helped me a lot. She had a lot of the same problems as me – we talked, she cried, I cried, and there it was, help, help was there, right beside me.

I was finally feeling good about myself, hanging out with friends again. I joined a sorority (really never thought I’d do that, I didn’t think of myself as a “sorority girl”) which I later learned there were so many girls who were dealing with a lot of the problems, and I felt a lot better about myself.

The key is getting out there, talking to people.

Heavy drugs and drinking aren’t the answer. Suicide isn’t the answer. Crying to sleep isn’t the answer (but hey sometimes you gotta let it out). Running away from your problems, and issues are NOT the answer.

Today I still deal with anxiety caused by stress, depending on the week, but my support system and the people I have surrounded myself with has helped me so much. I am finally happy. I have a job and am starting to get more involved and I have an amazing boyfriend who understands (or at least tries to.)

The point is you’re not different, you’re not weird, and you ARE wanted.

Sometimes finding yourself is hard, but it’s a part of life and life isn’t easy. But through these experiences – good and bad – we learn more about ourselves, what we can accomplish, and how capable we are of completing the impossible.

Fighting, beating, conquering.

If you’re dealing with anxiety or someone you know is, the key is to be understanding and open to any options. If your friends are going through this, be that shoulder to cry on, lean on, and to answer 4am phone calls when they can’t sleep.

You never know what is going through a person’s head.