Syracuse students open up about domestic abuse
Because it’s a real issue, and it’s happening on our campus
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, The Tab Syracuse spoke to students who were victims of domestic abuse. Here are their stories.
Note: Names have been shortened/changed to protect the identity of the victims.
Carly, Senior
So basically I was in an abusive relationship with my high school boyfriend, emotionally and physically. It took me years to realize and come to terms with it. Emotionally he was very controlling and did not let me break up with him. Every time I tried he would threaten to kill himself or threaten to tell secrets about me. He always put me down with comments about my appearance. He was a compulsive liar. When I blocked his number for the first time he showed up at my house and forced his way inside. I threatened to call the police. He didn’t care. He raped me. After, that he wouldn’t let me break up with him. It took years to finally rid myself of him. Not a fun experience and it made me realize how people can end up in abusive relationships and why they stay. They don’t stay, they’re trapped and feel they don’t have a choice.
Source- alternativehorizons.org
Jesse, Sophomore
When I was 17 I entered my first relationship and being so young and inexperienced I didn’t notice a lot of red flags with my ex boyfriend. When we we’re dating he would get irrationally jealous of any other guy I would talk to, including my best friend–all when he had been cheating on me the whole time. We also fought constantly and it would always end with me in tears begging him to stay because he had convinced me that everything I did was wrong and I wouldn’t ever find another guy who would want me.
When I would try to stand up for myself he would tell me I was the reason he was depressed and self harmed and I felt so incredibly guilty and unable to leave him for fear of him harming himself. In person he made me uncomfortable and pressured me into being physical almost every time. If I wasn’t willing to hook up with him he would get angry and send me awful texts. Eventually once I began treatment for my own clinical depression, I realized I had to leave him. He made threats about hurting me physically and I was scared for my safety. I blocked him on everything from texts to social media but he still contacted my friends and used other numbers to try and reach me. We had a lot of mutual friends that I had to stop talking to because they didn’t believe me when I said I was afraid of him. It sucked to have him have an impact through half of my time in high school even after I tried my hardest to cut him off. I learned that people believe it if you say a girl is “crazy” if she gets mad that her boyfriend cheated, but people will refuse to see that a guy is abusive even if multiple girls come forward and say it.
source- futureswithoutviolence.org
Alexa, Sophomore
I had been hooking up with this guy for about eight weeks; he was a total fuckboy. He rarely texted me or got in contact with me unless it was convenient for him, and I let him treat me like a doormat. When I ran into him at a party a few weeks after he ghosted me completely, I (somewhat drunk) walked up to him to call him out. Things turned ugly quickly after he apologized and I refused to hookup with him that night. He raised his hand to punch me, called me a “fucking bitch” in front of everybody. Fortunately, my friend got in the middle just in time, so I avoided the punch in the face, while she was hit on accident after his fist was supposed to go to my face. My friends pulled me out immediately, guys chased him to fight him (he got away just in time), and I cried myself to sleep that night. Ever since then, I’ve been super-cautious on who I interact with (especially with guys) and have a hard time trusting others.
source-huffingtonpost.org
Kathryn, Sophomore
I have always really admired my mom so it was really difficult for me to watch her husband push her around like she was nothing, knowing I couldn’t really do anything except call the police. I don’t know how many times I called the police as a child. One time, Child Protection Services showed up to my school in the middle of my lunch period because of an altercation that happened between my mom and her husband. The whole experience really traumatized me. I wish I did more to help my mom. I watched her get bruises, I watched her get pushed, and I watched as she was torn down from the pedestal that she deserves to be on. This month means so much to me because I love her and I wish I did more. Having the ability to be involved with preventing domestic violence on campus is a true honor and I’m so excited to help make a change on our campus.
Source- motherjones.com
Alex, Senior
I was in what I thought was a really great relationship during my freshman year of college. I didn’t realize that I was a victim of relationship violence until my friend sat me down. He was so sweet in public but he got so violent and verbally abusive when he was drunk. I had to cover up bruises on my arms, caused by him squeezing too hard. It was embarrassing then and looking back now, I am so thankful to the friend who stepped up and said something. Who knows where the situation could have gone? Men and women end up deeply scarred because of relationship violence. Domestic violence awareness is important to me because I went through it and I want to help other people who are struggling to get out of abusive relationships. If you are struggling, get help. There are so many resources on campus beyond your friends, but don’t underestimate them. The counseling center is awesome and the group therapy there made such a positive impact in my life.
If you or somebody you know is suffering from domestic violence, there are resources available.
The Vera House | (315) 425-0818
Syracuse University Counseling Center | (315) 443-4715