Why growing up in the ‘burbs of Boston is the best evah

Saugus, Massachusetts. You’ve probably never heard of it, and if you have, you probably despise us. We have a reputation of having a shit school system, hot tempers and extremes of cliques ranging from white wannabe gangsters to degenerate partygoers to Ivy league hopefuls.

My time as a Sachem taught me a lot and going to school hours away from the place that shaped me had made me realize the ups and downs of growing up on the No(ah)th Sho(ah).

As for a reflection on what my adolescence was like, here’s what I got for ya:

We don’t use our Rs and we don’t give a shit

The majority of our parents are from East Boston, Revere (Reve-AH) and othAH pAHts of the city so who are we to be using our AHs like little pretentious suburban kids? Not happening. And no, college friends, I will not pick up on your habits of articulate speaking. And for the record, its wicked cool to say these things MY way:

• Milkshake = frappe
• Chocolate sprinkles = jimmies
• Water fountain (or whatevAH you say) = bubblAH
• Super/extemely/whatevAH cool = wicked cool

Our town’s drama had made news headlines and we laugh it off

Yeah, maybe the older generation doesn’t wanna pay taxes to support our education system ’cause I mean its only probably the most important thing we will experience in life and maybe our principal banned certain prom dresses and yoga pants at one point, but what is life without a good controversy?

And we can’t forget the time we were convinced the principle ran away and we maybe, sort of, poked fun at him during our yearly pep rally and got ourselves into a little trouble.

We might as well have our own version of Mob Wives: Saugus or some shit like that

Because our mothers fight over our shitty D3 high school sports and spread rumors about other people’s kids that they don’t realize really fucks things up for their kids and all that jazz. But, once again, what is life without a little pointless drama made  major headline?

We have cliques, but we all get along

Some of us do sports, some of us do school, some of us party, some of us make fun of those who party. It’s life…  AM-I-RIGHT?!?!?!?!

Route One is LIFE

We work here, we get into the city from here, and we spend Friday night’s aimlessly driving up and down here… oh suburbia.

McBangers and Kelly’s Roast Beef is always the MOVE

Yes, we have drank at McDonald’s and yes, the majority of our minimum wage job paychecks was spent on Kelly’s cheese fries… yolo.

We stole a Hilltop Cow and got interrogated in school

The Hilltop, a famous Route One joint had closed down during the fall of of junior year of high school and a few of my amigos and I decided it a great idea to steal the cow from its original stealer and the situation ended with the Saugus Police at our high school interrogating our friend group’s table during lunch time.

Even better is that this whole ordeal landed us on national headlines, luckily they did not mention they found the cow amongst a group of twenty high school students. Regrets? Nah. Memories? Many. The ironic part? The cow’s new home is where a bunch of us worked… over in Lynnfield at Market Street (yes, we do visit Alicowi frequently).

We would fight people over our shitty D3 or 4 or whatever, high school sports

No, there literally was a brawl after a basketball game versus Pentucket one time. CLASSIC. We always thought we were so good and never thought to ourselves that nobody was really in it for the sake of the team, but only solo recognition in the towns newspaper… wicked important huh? (this may be a bit exagerrated, but you get the gist)

We threw Woods parties

Come on, who doesn’t love a solid 10 minute trek to the middle of a few acres of trees to sit by a fire until the cops came and it was time to run and hide. Good…ass…times. Definitely a North Shore thing. And, for the record, nothing is funnier than the fact that we continued to refer to one of our spots as “The Doba Woods” long after the popular mexican grill removed itself from its Route One location.

The private versus public school struggle

Blah Blah blah, your private school may have wicked nice sports facilities and D1 teams but we had teachers who taught us more than how to cheat our way to success on the SAT and how to bullshit your way to use mom and dad’s money to get what you want (I am not salty, just stating general facts).

Public school adds character, but private school gets you into college. I mean, in the end public school kids are like WAY cooler and the private school kids stay using us for parties. AND WE STILL GO TO COLLEGE, we just had to work a little harder and not pay $15,000 a year in high school to get there.

The Cape & Islands is our idea of the tropics

Ya know, we would love to hop on a plane at Logan and fly somewhere warm any day but who doesn’t? The two-and-some-change hour drive to the Cape, the Vineyard or Nantucket is all we need for a more than great getaway. Some of our best childhood memories were made on the shores of these places. This is just another beauty of living on the North Shore… we have access to so many activities. WERE SO CULTURED!

We go into Boston often

A 15 minute drive into the city or eight spots on the orange line, how could we not spend our boring afternoons frolicking around the GREATEST city there ever was? And, seriously, what beats 2am pastries from Bova in the North End or the view of the skyline from behind the Moakley Courthouse late night when the rest of the city is sleeping? Nada.

So, if you ever have to deal with one of us North Shore kids… this is what we are – our own breed, really.  FUCKIN AYE! WE AH AWESOME.