Honest confessions of a food pusher

Everyone knows each friend group is a compilation of people who play various roles.

There’s the mother of the group, the friend who watches out for everyone, the party animal and the friend who never says no to going out.

Me? I’m the food pusher.

Some of you may be wondering, what the hell is a food pusher? Well let me tell you – it’s the best role you could hold in a friend group.

A food pusher is a person who will lead you to unplanned eating. They literally ‘push food,’ whether it’s healthy or not, at any time of the day. Even when you are uncomfortably full, the food pusher will be there to convince you to go for more. They are very persuasive and they don’t take no for an answer.

The food pusher strikes when you least expect it. Here are some confessions coming first-hand from a food pusher.

I ask people to hang out just so we can eat food together

Whenever I want to see my friends, the number one reason I ask them to hang out is to have an eating buddy. Yeah eating is fun, but eating with friends is even better.

On the real though, what do you do with your friends if you’re not eating together? Talk? I don’t know… talking is always so much more fun when food is involved. The single act of eating is just so enjoyable. And don’t get me wrong, hanging out with your friends is very enjoyable too – but combining both… amazing.

I always convince people to eat the heavier item

When going out for a meal, ordering in, or having a snack, I base my decision on one motto: YOLO. For those of you who don’t know (do those people even exist?) YOLO stands for You Only Live Once.

When deciding between salad and pizza, you just gotta choose pizza. You know you’ll regret it if you don’t, and hey, you only live once. You can’t live life making the wrong decisions.

Yes obviously pizza isn’t the healthiest food choice, and I’m not saying eat pizza (or unhealthily) at every meal. I’m just saying pizza equals happiness, and if I’m in the mood for pizza, I’m gonna have me a slice or two (while trying to convince you too).

I plan my day out according to meals

The sole motivation for me going to sleep is the thought of waking up and eating breakfast. I tell myself, “breakfast is soon,” when I need a reason to smile. There’s nothing better than waking up  knowing you get to eat soon.

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m hangry (hungry + angry) I am just not myself. I swear to you, when I don’t have food in my system for a long period of time, my brain gets rewired and I am a completely different person. I am moody, angry for no reason, and just generally agitated. I don’t like feeling or acting this way, which is why I plan my meals and force those around me to do so as well.

I ask people if they want food until they accept and eat it

I hate being the only one eating, and not for reasons you might expect. When I am the only one eating, I am genuinely sad that the person I am with is not experiencing the same happiness that I am at that moment. So, I force food upon them until they give in and eat it.

Even if they aren’t hungry, and even though they may hate me after when they feel uncomfortably full, they are enjoying every second of the moment.

I inherited it from my Jewish grandmother

It may be hard to believe, but being a food pusher is definitely genetic, passed down from generation to generation. I grew up with my grandmother basically force-feeding food down my throat. She would ask me, “Honey are you hungry?” And I would answer, “No Nanny, I actually just ate.” Then she would proceed to make me a delicious looking turkey and cheese sandwich, and how can you say no to that?

This action has been embedded in my head repeatedly for 20 years now. It has always been evident that this was who I was going to become.

I have accepted and embraced this role

Some people may disapprove on this outlook on life and food in general. I believe that if something makes you happy in life, you need to take advantage of it. To me, that something is food. The act, the smell, the aesthetic, all of it combined just makes me smile, and that’s what life is all about: going after what makes you smile. Sorry to all those I have forced food upon, but I aint gonna stop. Food: you are my soul mate. NEVER CHANGE.