‘We got Burger King afterwards’: Syracuse’s best virginity stories

The Tab’s at it again, uncovering the awkward or romantic first times people had when encountering sex.

What happens when you mix alcohol and a large group of people and ask them how they lost their virginities?

Hilarity ensues.

“I was going down on her and I was like ‘Wanna bang’ and she was like ‘OK.’

“Then we did. It was lit.

“I shit you not it lasted an hour and I didn’t come. She did, I didn’t.”

“I was a virgin until I was like 19. I thought I was gonna do it with someone I loved but, I got kind of impatient so I was just like ‘Fuck it’.

“So I literally went out to this bar, this random bar, and I met this guy and I was like ‘Let’s do it!’ So we went back to his apartment, we did it, and he was like ‘You can stay over’ and I was like ‘Yeaaaaaaaah no.’ And I took a cab home.

“I woke up the next morning and was like ‘I think his name was Michael and I think he goes to Cornell but I’m not sure.'”

“Like all good losing your virginity stories it happened on a family vacation in the disgusting state of New Jersey. Ocean City, New Jersey. More like Ocean Shitty am I right? I invited my boyfriend to our family vacation. We had this whole plan. On the boardwalk we bought this blanket that amongst my friends is known as ‘The Sex Blanket.’ We were gonna do a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type thing with this blanket. But that didn’t happen. It smells really bad and it’s in my closet.

“We broke away from my sister and her boyfriend and we broke away from my parents and we took a nice walk down the boardwalk. And in Ocean Shitty there are these sand dunes that are protected because of like little baby animals, I don’t know. So we were trying to find a little cove in the dunes and we laid down the blanket and had some hot and steamy teenage make out sesh.

“I think we took off all our clothes because it was sex so I thought we had to be completely naked. I remember I was on bottom and it was just so unpleasant. There was no pregame it was just like let’s go! It wasn’t fun. I just remember looking up and thinking ‘Well at least the stars are pretty tonight.’ And I tried to switch it up and asked if I could be on top. But then I was on top and it was more painful so I was just like done.

“It lasted probably five minutes? Longer than one minute but a lot fewer than five.”

“It was with my girlfriend of the time. We were probably together like two months? Well we had to stop half way through because we did it in a public park in a car and somebody walked up to the car. We tried to put clothes on really quickly but the rando left so we were like ‘We should just continue.’ So then we continued and then I went home. My mom drove the car the next day and she asked why it was so foggy. So I just said it was a foggy day outside. And that was the whole story.

“It was pretty bad sex honestly for the first time. We didn’t do it normally, we tried to do some cowgirl shit and it was our first time and it didn’t work at all. It wasn’t even that fun. But yeah then we got Burger King afterwards so that was good.”

Keep your eyes peeled for the third and last part of our journey through the awkward, painful, and awful.