I tried to eat only fat sandwiches for a week

As is common knowledge at Rutgers, New Brunswick has no shortage of places to eat around campus. But none of them are as iconic as the original grease truck, RU Hungry.

RU Hungry, located across the street from the College Avenue Gym and next to Alexander Library, has been a staple for students since 1979 and has risen to national fame with Man v. Food’s Adam Richman attempting to take the “Eat 5 in 45” challenge on one episode, but sadly, failing. More recently, BuzzFeed named RU Hungry as #1 on its list of “The 43 Best Drunken Eats in College Towns Across America.”

I decided to take my own RU Hungry challenge: eat only fat sandwiches for five days straight, Monday to Friday, totally sober.

I laid down some rules for myself. First, I would only eat them for dinner so I wouldn’t kill my wallet, and second, I’d eat a new sandwich every day.

Here’s how it went down.

Day 1: The Fat Fillipino

The saucy, sexy glory of the Fat Fillipino

The first day was the easiest. How hard could this be?

I decided to start with the best-selling Fat Fillipino, spelled with two L’s. It’s greasy as hell, with a cheese steak, gyro, chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, french fries, white sauce, lettuce and tomato piled on it. I’m not sure why it’s called the Fat Fillipino, since the only thing Filipino about it was me eating it.

I dug into it immediately because I was starting to feel lightheaded since I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I needed sustenance. It was absolutely delicious, but that could just be my hunger talking. I was only able to get through about half the sandwich before deciding to wrap it up and take it home with me on my evening commute.

Day 2: The Fat Darrell

Taking those big bites

I started feeling the heat on the second day.

Day 2’s pick was the Fat Darrell, which, according to the menu, is apparently #1 in the country. This sandwich consists of chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, marinara sauce and french fries, sort of like your favorite appetizers at Applebee’s on a sandwich. This one was my favorite, probably because I am that person who orders all of those appetizers at once when I do go to Applebee’s.

Things started to take a turn for the worse when I started getting heartburn around halfway through the sandwich. I could feel the amount of sodium along with every unhealthy quality in it clogging up my arteries, so I figured I’d wrap it up for later.

Later that night, I had four slices of pizza, and that combination of pizza and a fat sandwich put my body in overdrive. I could feel my pores opening up and making my face super oily, and I began to question my whole life.

Day 3: Fat Buddah

It was the third day when I decided I couldn’t continue.

I was still reeling from the previous day’s sandwich, so when I got out of work I reluctantly dragged my feet back to the RU Hungry truck and ordered a Fat Buddah. Not a Buddha, but a Buddah: a cheeseburger patty, beef salami, a fried egg, french fries, mayo and ketchup.

I was so hungry, and if I didn’t order two fat sandwiches the past two days, it wouldn’t have looked so repulsive. It might have even been appetizing. But by the time I forced myself to put it in my mouth, I was already seeing my life flash before my eyes. That being said, I highly doubt this was how the Buddha wanted us to achieve enlightenment.

I was so dead I couldn’t even make it to my own bed

By the time I got home, my stomach was crying. I honestly don’t know how I survived the drive home. All I know is I got wrecked in the bathroom and could barely think straight or even stand up. My little sister thought the whole thing was hilarious and posted some humiliating pictures of me slumped on her Snapchat story, as seen here.

I quit, this was ridiculous. When I get diagnosed with diabetes or heart disease sooner or later, I’m going to look back on this story and regret every decision I made leading up to those damn sandwiches.

If I learned anything from this experience, it’s that I don’t think I ever want to eat a fat sandwich ever again. Ever.