The worst places to nap at Purdue

Purdue has fantastic places to nap. The Union, HSEE, Hicks — you name it. No matter what, everyone has a spot where they can pass out and forget about their meaningful lives. My personal fave is in the Union on the lovely snake pleather couches. But have you ever taken a moment and thought of the worst spots to nap on campus?

If you are going to nap, nap strategically. You went to college for a reason. Use that 2.8 GPA and avoid these nap death traps.

Dining Courts

Here I am, using my 30 minutes of free time to swallow my 5000 calories before a dreadful 1:30 and lo and behold, there is a poster boy for Hollister dead asleep. What, how? Dining courts are loud, delicious, and always moving. I got five more plates to go through. How can you get even one bit of sleep without thinking about thirds? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is dining courts are pretty awful places to make it work, so if you can, great. Good on you, Hollister boy, good on you.

Sloop — A.K.A. Silver Loop

If I got a dollar for every time I saw someone taking a snoozer on the Sloop. . . I would not be any closer to paying off my student debt. I’ve seen my fair share of students sleep on our favorite #13 loop. Heavy breathing and smelly smells are a mainstay of this lovable bus.

On top of that, the seats feel like your uncle’s antique couch from the seventies. It’s as comforting as jail has ever been, but people still find a way to close both eyes. I know one time I saw a guy before and after class enjoying the three seats he stole for his pleasure. Part of me hopes he is still there to this day. 

John Purdue’s Lap

I know how you feel. You studied until 4 AM for an exam at 9 AM and guess what? You failed. You are exhausted, you are defeated and you are done. You see John’s lap and it looks so comforting. You splat down by the gold man and slowly cuddle your head towards him. However, no matter what you do, his large metallic hands will not dry your tears. He won’t even make eye contact with you. You’re used to the cold shoulder, so it doesn’t hurt — much. On the bright side, he’s more comfortable than the dorm beds.

Bathroom stall

I hate bathroom stalls. I don’t like the feeling of being stuck in a small place just to do my business. I don’t like hearing other people do their business. I don’t like the smell. I don’t like the toilet paper. I don’t like the stalls. Period. So who in their right mind thought it was a good idea to plop their greasy face on the stall wall to get five minutes of sweet dream time. Someone did and I disdain them. If you really wanted to get out of your class to take a nap, be an adult and excuse yourself not evacuate yourself. Gross.

Under the Bell Tower

You know what, this is not a bad spot at all. Just put your Jansport down, pop your head on its hump, and pass out. No one will wake you up. Ever. Everyone will pass by you and wonder if you died, but they won’t stop. They need to graduate on time. They’ve got things to do and places to be. You, however, don’t, and after 24 years of hibernating under the tower, it dawns on you that you won’t graduate on time.

(Disclaimer: I was too afraid to actually nap under the tower so I photoshopped myself under it. I got my own future to look out for, guys.)

Hopefully you take these words of advice. Napping is serious business, so pick your spots like the boss you are. I trust you to find the best spot. Just, don’t be a party pooper and fall asleep on the toilet. That’s no bueno.