The stages of achieving your last-minute spring break bod
Time to remember that forgotten New Years resolution
It’s February and you know what that means. A crowded Co-Rec with no open treadmill in sight. A depleted salad bar at the dining courts. And a never-ending wait for tanning beds at Levee.
That’s because spring break is only a month away. While this is exciting and thoughts of warm sand and free drinks dance in our heads, so sets in the realization you’re going to be in your swim suit on the beach, and maybe that New Years Resolution has been on a hiatus as of late. It’s time to crack down on that beach bod plan that you try every year, and every year this is pretty much how it goes from there.
Stage 1: Comprehension
Oh shit! Spring break is thirty days away? When did this happen? These are typically the thoughts that race through my head while I’m sitting on the couch in sweats while eating a pizza and binge watching Netflix. Through a mix of emotions including panic, excitement and anxiety, I decide I’m going to the Co-rec and eating only vegetables everyday until I feel the sand on my feet, no excuses! Because that’s totally reasonable.
Stage 2: Determination
Alright, I’m going to the Co-rec today, and I’m not leaving until I burn at least 700 calories. That’s easy right? Okay, finally found an open treadmill, time to get down to business.
Seven minutes later.
Wow this sucks. Why does everyone else look so good at this? Can everyone else see how much I’m sweating? Oh well, keep pushing through. Imagine being on the beach. Alright, 20 minutes put in. That’s probably good enough. Keep this up every day, and I’ll look like Lily Aldrige in no time.
Stage 3: Clean eating
Time to refuel after that intense gym session. This is where I’m going to get all the nutrients I need, maybe I’ll even eat some kale and flax. That shit’s supposed to be good for you right?
Oh no, don’t look at that pizza. Seriously, you don’t even want it — it’s just greasy and cheesy and perfect and shit yeah I want it. I want the pizza.
Okay, willpower, you’re stronger than this. Enjoy this salad. It’s yummy and totally doesn’t taste like I’m eating leaves. Gosh, I’m already doing so well at this diet.
Stage 4: Going out
Okay, so this is the first night out but everything is going to be perfectly fine. I’m only going to do a few shots. No chaser — because empty calories — and then I’ll go to bed early so I can still wake up and go to the gym. Honestly this is more important and I’ll still have fun with my friends.
Shit, it’s $7 pitchers tonight? I can have one and treat myself. It’s fine. I deserve this. I’ll be responsible.
Okay, who am I kidding, I’m drunk. Diet, what diet? I’m going home and ordering cheesy bread, bitches!
Stage 5: Acceptance
You know what, spring break is 27 days away and I’m going to have a good ass time no matter what I look like.
Remember, you’re young and lucky enough to go somewhere warm with your friends or family, so live it up! Be confident with your personality and body. Most importantly have a fun and safe spring break.