Proof that Princeton over fall break is the Twilight Zone

During Fall Break, Princeton basically becomes the show “Lost,” except with even fewer people. It’s a strange place.

I stopped by campus to see who actually hangs around, and what this place devolves into when everyone scurries home to their beloved two-ply toilet paper and adequate water pressure. I ran into some real characters, but none of them were happy to see me. I would not recommend it.

First up, we have the world’s biggest Princeton super fan. This dude is the single-handed reason the U-Store is plum out of fall fashion pieces when you go in there for warm clothes in November. He waits til you all go home and then he just camps out there for ten days.

Even though the campus is completely deserted, the good folks at Princeton Parking Enforcement refuse to take a day off. You know the old saying: the only three certainties in life are death, taxes, and Princeton parking tickets. These guys are doing the Lord’s work.

 

There’s a lot of this going on, too. Once those first two inches of snow fall, you know you’re never gonna see your bike until May. Might as well get a head start and give up now.

The one thing I was excited to see was the alarming number of abandoned golf carts on campus. These are prized possessions when school’s in session. I was relieved to know that the second they catch a whiff of vacation, all the injured athletes on campus suddenly incur miraculous recoveries and are able to jog on down to the Dinky. Quick note for those who are curious – I’m sure it’s possible to hot wire these babies, but I couldn’t figure it out.

I didn’t believe the rumors, but apparently Woody Woo majors do take a break.

Now that no one is watching, this is the time of year where all the budding campus celebrities are bold enough to poke their heads out from Firestone and start shooting their blockbusters. Be on the lookout for this breakout indy film up at the Garden Theater around Thanksgiving time. Calling it right now, that becomes the go-to first date spot of 2015.

If some guy comes up to you after break offering to play pool for money, claiming he “doesn’t play much,” just walk away. These guys practice 24/7 every year during fall break to hustle fools like you for your late meal money.

This just feels plain wrong.

Meanwhile at the C-store…business  is plummeting. Bankruptcy threatens. Soon nothing will stand between Cafe Viv and world domination.

These two senior citizens craning their necks up at the Frist statues are there every second of every day, you just never see them behind the hoard of kids running in and out of precept.

Not sure what would happen to the US economy if our econ majors took more than a week off, but I don’t want to find out.

Prospect is a sad, sad place this time of year.

If ever there was a time to throw your Lexus in the Tower lot, it’s now. Don’t wait on this any longer.

Cannon’s usually fairly lit. It’s currently not lit.

Saw the Quad staff throwing back a few beers out back. Snapped a few pics. We did not get off on the right foot.

0 for 2 on the day for my GTA attempts.

Feels great to see the E-Quad just sitting their helpless, unable to torture innocent MAE’s. Unlike most of us, these kids actually deserve a vacation.

I don’t want to start rumors, but it’s extremely possible that Ivy is getting torn down this week. Short your passes now.

While you guys are home agonizing over which Netflix movie to watch and falling asleep before you actually pick one, the football team is running wind sprints and physically challenging one another.