A mother’s perspective on having her son home for Christmas

One of the most enjoyable (and frightening) aspects of college is the freedom to make your own choices. For most students, this is the first time we’ve ever been living on our own- the first time that the majority of our everyday decisions aren’t being run by our parents. Possessing the ability to police yourself is the dream of many a young high-school student, and although most will have serious pitfalls in the first years away from the nest, it’s a necessary step of growing into an adult.

Having said that, one of the most important conditions of a child going off to college is often forgotten: a parent who no longer has their child at home. As high school seniors choose their destinations and become college freshman, their parents are forced to deal with the fact that their kid most likely isn’t going to be living with them much over the next four years. My mother had to go through this exact process when I chose Pitt over the schools near my hometown (my family currently lives in Columbus, OH).

I often feel like I’ve failed to gain a proper understanding of what it’s been like for her after I decided to live in Pittsburgh, and I think we could all use a little perspective. So, I decided to interview my mom and share her responses. As the spring semester creeps closer and we steel ourselves for the return to Oakland unbound by adult supervision, let’s appreciate what we’ve left back home. Thank you for doing this Mom. I love you!

First off, how does it feel to have your son back from college?

It’s the best Christmas present ever! I love having the whole family here for the holidays. I think the most important aspect of not having you here all the time is that now I appreciate it so much more when I do see you. Realizing that has given me a much more positive outlook on you living at college instead of at home.

How difficult was the process of not having me home anymore? Was it what you expected?

Obviously, I’d rather have you here with me, so it was always going to be difficult. However, there weren’t any big moments where it hit me all at once. Mostly it’s been little instances of me forgetting you’re not here, like when I’m sitting down at the dinner table and wondering why you aren’t in your seat yet. One of the most noticeable things has been when I pass by your room, and it’s all dark with nobody in there. I think that’s when I’ve missed you the most.

Did you want me to stay closer when I was choosing a school?

Well yes at first, I definitely wanted you to be close by. But now I’m just happy that you’re happy and thriving at the college you chose. That’s what matters to me more than anything else. I think you made the right choice with Pitt, because you picked where you truly wanted to go.

Is there anything you think every kid going off to college should know about what their parents are going through?

Just to remember that you still have parents, and that they’re going to be there for you and worrying about you no matter what. If you’re going off to try to be an adult in college, then you should have a mutual respect for the most prominent adults in your life. You wouldn’t take a friend at college for granted, and you shouldn’t take your parents for granted either.