How I started my YouTube channel

For me, starting a YouTube channel was very difficult. I wanted to put myself out there for the internet to appreciate and like, not to be laughed at and hated. I lived in fear of the latter for about nine years.

When YouTube was coming into it’s own around 2008, I already wanted to make videos. I would sit in my closet and record myself, just talking about my 11-year-old life. I hated the way I looked, sounded, and my content, so I always ended up deleting those videos. I thought about doing videos for years- what I would say in them, what type of videos they would be, and who I could collaborate with. For a long time it all seemed like a pipe dream. I felt as though everything about me was wrong for the website, and that everyone I knew would make fun of me for trying to be a YouTuber.

When I finally did start a YouTube channel, I stilled hated the way I looked and sounded (you’ll see the irony of that in a moment), but I tried to get over it. I knew that my first few videos would be cringe worthy and that I wouldn’t get a ton of subscribers, but I just wanted to try.

After almost a decade of waiting, I put out my first video, which is an intro to my channel Look&Sound. Following that video, I put out three more- one about hair, another about music, and a comedic look at my loneliness.

That’s where I stand right now, and this is what I’ve learned so far-

I never knew what type of channel I wanted. I know enough about beauty to work the counter at Naimie’s, and music is the only real love I’ve ever known- so I combined the two. It’s not hard to figure out the formula for a YouTube video. All you need is a ton of makeup, good lighting, and non copy written music, and you’re practically done.

However, there is no formula for what viewers will actually like and what they’ll watch. It is important to have constants in videos, like the usual intro and outro. I’ve come up with a personal outro that is (hopefully) intriguing and not irritating. Sometimes enthusiasm is difficult to maintain for me throughout the video. I really need to strike while the iron is hot to get that “in your face” Youtube personality. I am trying to do my best to add comedy into my music and beauty videos, but usually I can’t tell if I’m the only one who will think something is funny.

Usually when I write a song, I do it for myself, but I feel like I’m doing YouTube for everyone and not just me. It feels like a playground where I’m still getting picked last. And I’m sure it will be like that for a while, and I’d like my videos to blow up, but in reality they probably won’t. The only thing you can do, as a content creator, is create and put it out there, and see what happens.

As of right now, I have 16 subs and about 80 views per video. Not bad, for someone who is relatively unpopular all the way around. For me, it’s not about being a celebrity either. At first, I thought I was doing it to reach out to people, brighten someone’s day, and maybe help someone out. But I am realizing now that I’m doing it to combat my own loneliness and depression. I don’t really have any friends, especially now that I am in college, and I just feel that at any moment I could fall off the face of the earth, and no one would notice. I know that that is all very dramatic and first worldly, but that’s just what it is for me.

I understand now that doing YouTube and music, is less about someone else and more about me. I am trying to give myself purpose and feel less alone by reaching out to viewers. I am trying to make myself happy, while making other people happy.

This all comes with backlash. I had my first subtweet happen today about how I am trying to become the next YouTube celebrity. I’m okay with it, and as a wonderful band once said “I don’t care what you think as long as it’s about me\ the best of us can find happiness in misery.”  

Hopefully my videos will become less cringe-worthy and more share-worthy, and I will grow as a creator and person. I know that they’ll never be perfect, and I’ll never be Jenna Marbles or NikkyTutorials, but hey, I can be Catherine from Look&Sound.

I’ll keep you updated on my journey. If you’d like to subscribe or see some of my content, you can check out my channel here.