The expectation vs. reality of coming home for the summer

A month ago, I finished my first year at the University of Pittsburgh. The year had its ups and downs, but I was happy in school. I wasn’t upset to leave. I hated watching my friends walk out, knowing that I might not even speak to them until classes reconvened. Taking apart my dorm room was tragedy, considering how much shit I had (which was two SUV fulls, in case you thought it wasn’t that much). That being said, the only way I really felt about leaving and coming home to the decrepit city of Scranton was, “fucking finally”.

I had actually wanted to jump out of my ninth story window during finals, so I was more than ready to be home for a while.

I had all the pieces- summer job at a pool, boyfriend, best friends, and tons of music activities. I thought that my summer was going to be dope, but a month later- nothing has happened. I think to myself, “how is that?”

You probably think that I’m just lazy and unappreciative of having down time, and I’m not saying you’re wrong.  But what I failed to realize is that Pitt gets out almost a full month before every other college. My job at the pool doesn’t start until Memorial Day weekend because I live in North Eastern Pennsylvania, and it’s barely hitting 70 degrees right now. And did I mention that Scranton is a dying city? Because it is, so there is no music scene here. Dammit.

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/trending/Avoid-Scranton-Pa-in-case-of-a-Zombie-Apocalypse.html

So here I am, alone and bored. No one told me that my summer after freshman year wasn’t going to be as righteous as my summer before. I had all of these plans to see my friends, hang out, and attend and play shows, but it just hasn’t happened yet. It hasn’t because I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting for my friends to get home, waiting for my boyfriend to care, waiting for my job to start, and waiting until I felt ready enough to do something proactive.

I regret the time I spent watching Girls instead of writing a new song. I regret sleeping until noon every day instead of practicing my Mandarin or learning how to roller skate. It was all just filler- I did the same thing every day until I could do something (anything) interesting. I was afraid of starting something new after leaving something I had just become accustomed to. I let my anxiety and passivity keep me one step away from doing everything. I thought I deserved to break for a while and that wasting some time was no big deal. But there is a difference between spending time and wasting time. I didn’t make memories while I sat in my room scouring YouTube. All I did was give hours away for nothing and to something I didn’t really enjoy or care about.

I’m not saying I won’t waste anymore time, but I’ll be damned if I just give it away for free. If I could give anyone some semblance of advice (not that I’m qualified to) here is- don’t wait.

If you want something figure out a way to get it. The worst thing you could do is wait for something that you could do right now.  Procrastinating on homework is one thing, but this is your life- not some project that is due on Monday. If you’re going to waste time, at least do something that will make you happy. Don’t fill your time with repetitive tasks so the days will slip by until something exciting happens.

Life is meant to be lived, so make it all killer no filler.