Advice for dating someone who doesn’t go to college

Dating is a huge deal for most people in college, so naturally there’s a lot of talk about it.  You can find articles online about any possible situation you could run into.  How to deal with dating someone who’s still in high school, dating someone who goes to a different college, dating someone who goes to your rival school, to dating someone at your school that has a heavier course load than you.  Imagine my surprise when no one was talking about the situation I was in.

I met my boyfriend in a pretty typical way.  I have a summer job at a fast food place, and he happened to work there as well.  He also happened to be my boss.  While the age difference of 5 years didn’t affect us much, it was clear that a reoccurring theme in our relationship would be the fact that I was in college, and he was not.

In fact, he’d never finished college.  While he did take some community college classes, and his goal was to eventually go back to school- it wasn’t feasible at the time.  After being in a relationship with him for nearly a year, I think I’m ready to pass my wisdom on to those facing a similar situation.

My boyfriend and I, still working together.

There are some pros to dating someone who isn’t in school.  For instance, they will most likely have a job. They aren’t the broke college student you are, so you’ll get to “go out” more- even if it’s just to eat.  They’ll try to help you with your classwork, since they don’t have their own to worry about.

Finals week will be mainly focused on you and your stress because, yet again, they don’t have their own to worry about.  You’ll also get to experience a different side of life together outside of just classes and dorm rooms.  You’ll go grocery shopping together and inevitably decide that fuck it, you’re going to get the Oreos anyway even though you’ve said you weren’t five times.  You’ll try and cook together, or for each other.

Spinach artichoke grilled cheese is actually really, really good.

But it’s not all sunshine.  Unless you live in the same area, which you probably don’t, there will be a lot of travel time involved to see each other.  They’ll have work, and sometimes their work schedule won’t fit in with your class schedule which limits your time together.  You can see them every day but still somehow feel like you never see them at all.

They’ll be concerned with money and finances in a way that you don’t fully understand yet.  They can feel left out of your world.  They’ll never really experience what it’s really like to go to frat parties, or to be involved with things around campus.

Your family, or at least some members of it, will inevitably judge you.  They’ll wonder why you didn’t find someone who “did better” with their life.  Your significant other will wonder this too, and fear that one day you’ll find someone on your campus.  That dating them will be more convenient and they’ll understand you better.

In any relationship, there are pros and cons.  It’s inevitably up to you to decide if the cons outweigh the pros, and vice versa.  However, I do have some advice.

When you spend time with your significant other, slow down.  Maybe it feels like you’re always driving back and forth from somewhere to spend time with them, but maybe those times when they’re in the car with you are nicer than you imagine.  Whether the radio is on and you’re both singing, discussing your days, or having a social justice argument, chances are that you’re pretty happy in that moment.

When they do come to a frat party with you or you have to do mundane tasks with them, it’s so much more meaningful because the both of you are experiencing a part of the other’s world that’s normally very separate. You two are different people living different lives, and sometimes it can feel as if connecting is difficult.  It can feel like you never have time for each other.  Learn how to take a step back and think about why you fell for this person in the first place.

Think about why you keep falling for them.  No relationship is going to be easy, but sometimes the harder ones are worth so much more than the struggle.