When things get sour: The expiration date of a hookup
‘Getting emotionally attached to someone is inevitable’
Casual hookups can definitely be an attractive option when you spend most of your time in VP basement #sceney.
They’re easy and require little – in fact, any – commitment at all.
When you have a whole, maybe, 3 minutes and 47 seconds of free time between social obligations, work (talking to you @writingsem and @cis120), and clubs or “clubs,” Penn kids are all about the “friends with benefits” situation.
Yet can casual hook-ups last a long time, or does each carry an expiration date with it? Does the dynamic always shift and need to evolve? The Tab has taken to campus to investigate…
For many, a change in feelings is almost entirely unavoidable.
Sophomore Vadim Ordovsky-Tanaevsky said: “Getting emotionally attached to someone is inevitable”.
Freshman Darya Nematic agrees: “There often times seems to be a point during a casual hookup when someone starts to develop feelings and wants it to be more.”
So what do we do when feelings—the horror!—come up?
Freshman Alden Terry explained: “What’s so complicated about defining the relationship is that you could want to do it but the other person may not even be thinking about it.”
“You might also be fine with just hooking up and don’t want to seem too eager.”
Darya says: “If the feeling is mutual then great! Go for it! But if those feelings aren’t reciprocated I think that’s the time you have to end it because that NEVER ends well.”
“This sounds straightforward but we tend to keep our feelings hidden so it gets a little tricky.”
Freshman Monica Benz warned: “When the situation is no longer making both people happy then it’s no longer healthy.”
“If one person is uncertain about where they stand and it is giving them anxiety then they should ask to define the relationship or call it off, you should never have to risk your own happiness.”
Vadim also said: “There is no real certain point [when one needs to define the relationship], but from experience it’s better to just confront the situation when it comes and not wait for it to resolve itself.”
I mean, how much small talk can you make on Locust before it gets straight up awkward?
So do emotions always have mark the end of a casual hookup? Is detachment essential for smooth sailing with friends-with-benefits?
Sarvi Chafik explained: “I think that if the two parties involved are clear with what their expectations and intentions are from the start, then friends with benefits can work.”
“Having feelings is a natural process but if the two people involved would not work as a couple then it doesn’t have to evolve into a relationship.”
“You’re totally allowed to have feelings for the other person, but you shouldn’t expect them to feel the same way. It’s the expectations, not the feelings, that kills friends-with-benefits.”
Alright, I know what you’re thinking. “Feelings kill no strings attached? No shit.” But at the end of the day, the mistakes are half of the fun.
So, if anything, be well equipped with those one-liners on Locust—“Hey, yeah let’s definitely get lunch sometime” (or never, most likely never)—or take advantage of winter and wear a hat over your face.
If your “friends with benefits” sitch isn’t as casual and effortless as you’d like it to be, then go focus on two men that you know will always be there for you—Ben and Jerry.
Basically grab a spoon when you can’t spoon and listen to Hilary Duff until life starts making sense.
Have fun, let off some steam, and don’t forget to prioritize your happiness.