Betsy and John: Star Crossed Squirrels of Locust

It all began on a Thursday afternoon…

3pm

Betsy the squirrel was desperately trying to find a dress that was “sexy without trying” for the date night that evening.

Tonight is the night when Betsy and John go from friends to “friends” 😉

3.35pm

On the improvised treadmill of Locust Walk, she tries to lose those extra pounds from late night Allegros that are preventing her from fitting into her dress.

3.36pm

Betsy treats herself at Insomnia for her intensive workout.

4.30pm

Betsy, perplexed as to why Olivia Lang is following her around with a pitchfork and a copy of the Odyssey, hides in the foliage and quickly snaps an instagram w caption “I love my school #fall #blessed #fire.”

7pm

Betsy debates whether she’d rather eat leaves than the pizza at 1920s commons. She had been “starting her diet tomorrow” for the past three weeks, and enough was enough.

Only oatmeal raisin cookies and whole wheat pasta from now, my friends.

10pm

John picks Betsy up from Upper Quad… 30 mins late because he was “uh working.” They walk over to the date night and Betsy starts chugging down the champagne so John’s stories about 6 am crew practice could be bearable. She immediately regrets running away from Olivia Lang’s pitchfork.

11pm

Three celeb shots later and John is #whitesquirrelwasted. Betsy contemplates leaving until she sees… wait is that the girl from John’s snap story? Oh hell no.

11.30pm

The bouncer at Gossip skeptically asks for Betsy’s zipcode. “Uh, uh, 1… 1… 19678?” The bouncer almost steps on her and says “19104.”

John lets go of Betsy’s tail and walks in with snap story girl. “Hey babe, listen, I’ll call you later tonight, okay? Also, since you’re not using your open bar wristband…”

9am

Betsy, wearing all black, is spotted outside of VP with her unwrapped Chem textbook.

She’s taking a break from boys and focusing on herself.

9.06am

Betsy and John… under the button?!