Should you text him first?

So here you are. It’s 3am and you’re sitting in Joe’s Pizza, stuffing your face with a Caprese slice (it felt healthier), masking your misery with marinara sauce. The night before had been so fun, why didn’t he want to see you again? You convince yourself that you did something wrong, and you find yourself on line for a second slice.

But what if you didn’t do anything wrong? What if the only mistake you made was not texting him first? All this disappointment, the fabricated scenarios you’ve illustrated in your mind with maybes and perhaps, would have entirely disappeared if you had taken approximately three seconds to swallow down the lump of fear in your throat and type out, “Hey.” According to some research (aka asking random people) on the subject, I have discovered what I think women everywhere need to know.

Guys do not care. If you text them first, it actually relieves them, because even they understand the pressures of having to text the girl first. In the same way that guy can get annoying if he triple texts you the moment you walk out of the door, there is such a thing as taking it too far. But don’t let that be you rage bingeing in Joe’s Pizza. You don’t like that girl. You don’t want to be that girl. So don’t.

“So how do you feel when the girl texts you first,” I was handing a customer his shoes at the SoulCycle where I work. It’s a little unorthodox to poll riders as I’m handing them a Smart Water, but I had to know.

He looked to be in his late 20’s, so I thought it would be interesting to see what adults typically expect.

“What’s the scenario?” He replied. I told him to imagine he had a fun night with a girl, they exchanged numbers, and the next night she texted him.

“If we mutually had a good time, then I would be stoked,” and I smiled and told him to enjoy his class. A (male) coworker shouted, “I agree with him!” behind me as I dove into the back to jot down this information in my notebook.

At this point, every single guy I had asked had said they would not be freaked out, or smothered, or think a girl was obsessed with him for texting him first. For some reason, we as women have convinced ourselves that the power of the follow-up lies entirely with HIM. I bet that if you had just texted him, you would have found out that he went to visit his grandmother in New Jersey that day, and was too tired to make it out. But because we have created this idea where “if he wants to see me, he’ll text me,” we’re stuck shoveling pizza/noodles/cookies into our mouths to mask our own disappointment.

When I asked why they didn’t always do it, the answer was innocent. “Sometimes, we aren’t as into it. Other times, we just get caught up. Also, we’re guys,” and while accepting that as an excuse seems like a cop-out, there’s probably some value in understanding that we are different. They tend (generalizations are dangerous territory, I know) to eat, play video games, and make it to class, while we spend a lot of time (still generalizing, you might not be one of these girls, and really, I’m impressed and jealous) obsessing.

Don’t worry though, it’s all so fixable. Just a, “hey,” or “yo,” or, my personal favorite, “hiii” (you’ve seen the memes. Best to be forward, you know what I mean?). Think about all the time you’ll save. I bet your GPA will even go up. If you don’t believe me, you may as well try it! Nothing to lose so early in the game, am I right? Take it from a girl who has more feelings than they have names for. It’s actually worked.

I’ll admit it, there are a few occasions where this has happened.

But really, it’s rare. And not as bad as this — which maybe the worst of them all. Like, when it looks like he’s typing for 35 years and you get pizza anyway because it isn’t going to happen.

BUT there’s always this outcome:

So what have you got to lose? Drop the pizza, stop obsessing. You may as well try it.